Scott

Seen an ambulance pulling up to the hospital..i hope the doctors are ok

I just realized the men that send their kids to Indiana U are Hoosier daddies.

A quick guide on "How to fall downstairs":

Step 1

Step 6

Step 8, 9, 10, 11.

a contest for who can paint a room the fastest called a roller derby somebody write that down

do you ever think about how cool trees are

(meeting someone’s baby) oh he probably smells my baby

Just once i'd like to see a shark wearing people tooth jewellery

Pistachios, aka tree clams.

Frankenstein is my favorite story about what can go wrong when you try to make friends.

they should invent a nap that does your chores

brings a slide whistle to the fight

Using the Internet Way Back Machine to see what the CDC recommended when it was trustworthy for a local TB outbreak

It was called Madison Cool Garden until I walked in...

A murder of crows? You mean caws of death??

boops your nose after sex

gimme that original sin, none of that derivative sin, plagiarized from the great sin masters

What the women stationed in a base in Antartica told Kim Stanley Robinson when he asked them about the possibility of relationships with men there: “The odds are good — but the goods are odd.”

Long story short,my body is a wonderland as I wonder what will hurt in the morning.

My headphones from 1995 would like a word with you

You strike me as someone who hits people

Referring to my caulk gun as my “oozy.”

It's just like my Nana always used to say, If you stick your dick in the cake you are bound to get frosting on your balls!

analogy is just the study of how one butthole compares to another

*annnnnnnd, send 👻*

Sharkuterie board

That’s American anyway you slice it

I’d eat that

what about a Male Loveliness Epidemic

“We’re a goddamn printer manufacturer, don’t we have a printer that works in here?!” -printer manufacturer ceo probably