Mike Stemmle

I mean heck, the guy was originally written as a thinly-veiled Doc Savage homage (complete with ersatz Fabulous Five henchmen)… it doesn’t get more “genius” than that.

Intermittent A One Crash

Unscheduled Design Review Meeting

Eight Hour Pickup Session

This kind of jibber jabber sounds a lot like I did in college when I got wasted and would tell everyone my theory that Charlie Bucket (original movie version) was a Christ allegory.

Alas, we travelled in different circles back then - perhaps I could’ve steered him towards whimsy instead of evil.

Make a movie better by adding John Carpenter’s to the title:

“John Carpenter’s Weekend at Bernie’s”

“John Carpenter’s Tyler Perry’s Madea”

“John Carpenter’s Chariots of Fire”

<MAGA Voice>

How woke. When will we get a day to celebrate our homegrown domestic lesbians!?

</MAGA Voice>

I'll be here all week.

That sound you hear is legions of Alyson Hannigan fans awaking from their ancient slumber. May God have mercy on your soul.

At the very least come with some variants on the theme, like something about Gorgonzola cheese or Oriel Sea Minerals.

It just occurred to me that one of the reasons you’re a cat person is that you very much enjoy playing with your food.

I think that’s Mitski’s younger brother, but I’ll have to check with my teenage children, as I am not particularly jiggy with the latest pop trends.

She has a vocal fry that could crack adamantium, and yes, she's all over the Expanse.

I say this as your freaky cultural twin (Tubes fan, deep Trek nerd, Superman devotee, unable to "get" Zeppelin, etc.) - Watch the Expanse. It takes a couple of episodes to rev up, but it's a show that'll make you go and read the books.

Also, you will greatly enjoy Shohreh Aghdashloo's character.

I tell that story all the time. “Like, do you know how annoying it would be to write all that extra cheating code?”

I think there’ll be swinging, swaying, records playing, dancing in the streets, perhaps.

Where, you ask?

Philadelphia, PA
Baltimore and DC
Don’t forget the Motor City

Extreme credulousness is a *kind* of reporting, I guess.

Ah, Jeff Flake… a man so spineless he makes Susan Collins look like Xena, Warrior Princess.

And yes, you all have to live with that mental image now.

This looks like the audience just before the end of Smile 2.

</Maude>
Don't be fatuous, Thomas.
</Maude>

Besides, in Trump’s case it’ll be more like the Dusk of the Stubby Sporks.

My uncle saw Alan O’Day perform Undercover Wokester at the Warfield back in ‘78.

There’s a “I am become death” joke somewhere in there.

I am now imagining Kamala’s face on a flaming movie screen, laughing crazily while chanting “we did it, Joe,” over and over.

Perhaps I have anger issues.

This is what happens when the (often useful) political instinct to pivot to the topic you want to talk about rather than the question that’s being asked fully rots out the brain’s ability to respond to a crisis appropriately.

Stop avoiding The Moment like you owe it money, Congressman.

“They could be fascist anarchists - that still wouldn’t change the fact that I don’t own a car.” -Bueller, 1986

I swear to Rao, this evening’s discourse has semantically satiated the word “fascist.”

Fascist.

Fascist.
Fascist fascist.

Nope, the word’s lost all meaning. Congratulations, Internet, you’ve broken my brain again.

I find that the freedom of the detachable cat isn't worth the hassle of plugging in the bluetooth adapter.

The genteelness of your word choices does a grave disservice to the precipitousness of this moment, good sir. I daresay a bit more bluntness in your verbiage would go a long way towards dispelling the widespread notion that your reporting, although mostly accurate, is of the mealy-mouthed variety.

So, now that you misleading lede has been read for filth, are you going to print a clarification?

Technologically Advance a Band.

The Stealth Bombers
The Texting Heads
The Pulleys
Vantablack Sabbath

And we better get Churchills instead of Chamberlains soon, or else we’re gonna need some Ches.

That should do it. Great job, buddy.