Shitposting Haiku

I could use some sleep
But first a hot steaming whizz
On things I shouldn't

One hundred dollars
Sealed up in a junk food bag
And leave the Cheetos

Those eyes have seen shit
He had me at the bent ear
Retired warrior

It's twelve inches long
With a wide vibrating head
Test before purchase?

She whips out her puns
Never underestimate
Big dork energy

#haikufeels

It was all so cool
Until he popped that wheelie
I wet my khakis

Open those windows
Let all the sunshine inside
Defenestration

#haikufeels

She took off her clothes
Temperatures were rising
The water was cold

#haiku

It's 4th of July
The fireworks are in my pants
As I dust the crops

Break out the long straws
There are milkshakes to be drunk
Yes... There Will Be Blood

#haikufeels

Pity the gators
A virtual smorgasbord
Of total assholes

#haikufeels

big dick energy
oops, poked himself in the eye
that might be too much
#haiku

This won't hurt at all
You'll just feel a little prick
Stiff competition

#haikufeels
#haiku
#micropoetry

Fuck this and fuck that
Fuck you and fuck that red hat
Fuck your gold phone too

Thank you very much
For attending my package
Deez nuts are happy

#haikufeels

Celestial sphere
Exposing everything
I love her dark side

#haikufeels
#haiku

No cough can conceal
My ass music greatest hits
Captive audience

#haikufeels

The usual thing
Conversation with my cat
The snuggle is real

#haiku

Banger

Ray of light shines through
A camel toe is sighted
God! check out dat gap

Life gives you lemons
Just squeeze those motherfuckers
And have a party

#Haikufeels

Notoriety
May only last a minute
Premature renown

#Haikufeels

Ere the sun explodes
Ride the dick rocket to Mars
Drop me a postcard

#Haikufeels

Jets of cold water
Cause the sphincter to recoil
I love my bidet

Time to get fitted
This won't make your ass look fat
It ties in the back

Headlines for When Trump Dies:
- Art of the Dead
- TACO-BELL (Trump Always Chickens Out-Beyond Even Living Life)
- Trump executed, replaced by a robot clown
- White House physician deems Trump in excellent cognitive and physical health for a dead man

An asshole once said
We are all going to die
Lead the way, Joni

Remove their balls too
So they never reproduce
Castration complete

“How we spend our days
is, of course, how we spend our
lives." Annie Dillard

This won't hurt at all
You'll just feel a little prick
RFK JR