River Oaks Problems

See you at the top?

Just exhausting.

Which douchebag PI firm did this?

Media came down on Mamdani like a ton of bricks for a phrase he literally never once said. Trump says a slur on stage on camera and they twist themselves in pretzels like this. If this is what journalism is, I welcome its death

Can we paint a bullseye on Kansas fast enough?

The Khyber sign parodies will also return, we hope.

Apparently he said this right after doing his Andy Kaufman / Mighty Mouse bit?

So good

as a centrist i just want a mayor who sexually harassed 5.5 women

Coming on here from Twitter is like leaving the dive casino to make sure the kids are ok up in the room with the nanny.

You all good? More juice and goldfish? Enjoying Wild Kratz? Hm?

Dinner is at 7 kids.

“We’re going to take Jellystone and make a big beautiful park, we’re going to take it away from the bears. They’ve got bears. Bad bears. Yogi. Bad Bear. Bad dude. Booboo. Not sure about Booboo. Bad bear. Stealing baskets. Ranger Smith. Good guy. Friend of mine. He tells me they’re sneaking fentany…”

Linda McMahon, Secretary of Education, sent Harvard a letter.

They graded it.

Bwahahaha.

This is pretty much what Mrs. ROP told me before I proposed.

The only acceptable form of non work communication is a text “call me” and a conversation less than 3 minutes.

Currently trying to process why people call, leave a voice mail, and then text to tell you they called in a two minute span.

And how to jettison those persons into a black hole.

Wow. This is the full document submitted by Rubio against Mr. Khalil invoking INA 237(a)(4)(C).

The standard in immigration court is extremely deferential; a judge must accept this so long as it is “facially reasonable and bona fide.” But this is so threadbare that it might not even satisfy that.

Anything by Sugar Ray, Creed, Nickelback, that “Toy Soldiers” song by one of those 80’s tweens, uh, most anything by Shaggy, stuff by that Foster asshole that ruined Chicago, hmm…it’s a lot.

That “So Good” song by Van Haggar might be the fucking worst, tho.

some helpful reminders:

-not all jews support israel
-criticizing israel is not the same as being antisemitic
-being pro-palestine does not equal being pro-hamas
-arresting someone for being pro-palestine is a violation of the first amendment
-violating someone’s first amendment rights is bad

My kid asked to play “Say You Say Me” by Lionel Richie tonight.

Surprised, I asked where she heard that song. She said a movie.

“When have you ever seen ‘White Nights?!?!’l

“No, it was in ‘Rio’. What’s ’White Nights’?”

It went downhill from there. I actually had Cold War nostalgia.

Word

a sign that says jump to conclusions is on a floor ALT: a sign that says jump to conclusions is on a floor

We all own one.

I can’t tell what’s a better gig. Sports commentator, pollster or this shit for brains.

Being consistently wrong and yet waking up thinking you shit rainbow pez. And people pay you. What a life.

Filipino fast food chain Jollibee was seen serving free food to people that have been affected by the LA wildfires. Love this.

a cartoon of grimlock saying uh me grim lock not care ALT: a cartoon of grimlock saying uh me grim lock not care

How’s the UT game going you ask?

Because we have the worst sports fans in the country.

TDIL: Pythons are shitty drivers. (TLDR)

Excuse me, it’s not treatment resident depression: it’s called being a sociopath.

I would rather put a piping hot spoon into my eyes and carve them out than sit with most of these people (again) for more than 2 seconds.

The Ottoman Empire. Duh.

Skynet doesn’t need to build terminators. We’re not worth that effort.