The Hon Danny Kruger MBE REFORM MP East Wiltshire. Parody.

When you become famous and important like me, you will be on telly a lot more.

The prophet is always misunderstood and unwelcome in his home town

no such footage exists. I have ways of silence harpies who attempt to poison my reputation.

The tired, saggy rump of the Conservative Party is trying to outdo my Reform Party in anti-immigrant zeal.

I propose we deter immigrants by catching them in nets then crucifying them on the cliffs at Dover. Their blood will form patriotic crosses on the White Cliffs.
Jesus told me he wants this.

Poor, stupid Kemi hasn’t grasped how much justified hate has now been created against filthy migrants. She is clueless. The only Christian way to destroy these alien parasites is to enslave them, and then harvest their organs for use by better people. More British people.

Politics latest: 20 Tory councillors defect to Reform 20 Tory councillors have announced they are defecting to Reform this morning. It comes on day three of the Conservatives' annual conference in Manchester.

Where the lion leads, the pussies follow. These 20 defective councillors are the first of many in joining my Reform Party. Many MPs will follow, leaving Honest Bob Jenrick and his ersatz racism as no more than a feeble, straining erection of futile hate.

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I’ve been thinking hard about how to ensure that those seeking to invade our Homy Island should become fully integrated and pay their debt to society. Some kind of indentured servitude would be the quickest way to repay the largesse showered on these parasites. Maybe for 3 or 4 generations.

I notice that the Conservative Party conference is taking place. Probably the last one. Without me, it will
Will be a hollow, desolate shell. Thousands of attractive young aides will be crying themselves to sleep tonight, knowing that they must remain forever bereft of my loving touch.

This proves that the Conservatives are dead as a political force. A shart on society. They cannot be trusted to rule properly. Only Reform can save us and our children from the murderous invaders.

Get behind me, Satan!

Foolishness, mother. Have been drinking mouthwash?

The Dunning-Kruger effect refers to those whose mistaken, hubristic over-confidence in their knowledge and abilities leads them to arrogance and misjudgement.

I can hardly be accused of this. I attended Eton and am an authority on most topics.

This is envy, pure and simple.

Personally I have excellent genes and so there is no need for any kind of intervention, but have you any idea how much it costs to look as good as Baroness Mone? I sniffed her chair once.

Perhaps she worked there as a cleaner and picked up a smattering of education by hanging around in the studies after lessons. Perhaps she even learned to read. I’m clutching at straws here, of course, but wouldn’t it be good to find that this woman goes against the grain of female ignorance?

All women are difficult. It’s hard to reason with someone not clever enough to have convex genitals. But some are easier than others, such as our household maids. They become quite malleable when they realise what side their bread is buttered on.

I think you’ll find that “Christian bigot” is a classic example of an oxymoron. The whole purpose of Christianity, its very raison d’être, is to shun the work of Satan and to hate all sin. What could be holier than to despise the seductive work of Beelzebub?

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Woman named as new Archbishop of Canterbury in historic first Bishop of London Dame Sarah Mullally, a former nurse, has been named as the next Archbishop of Canterbury - the first time a woman has been appointed to the role in the Church of England's history.

Utterly ridiculous. Foolish self-indulgence.
Was Our Lord female? Were any of His disciples female? Clearly we don’t count the whore Mary Magdalen among this holy group.

Satan and his minions are laughing hard today.

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This is correct. It is exactly what Matthew would have written if he were alive today. God’s Law is eternal.

Phil is a very much sergeant rather than officer class. An oik who has stumbled into public service. After my exit of the failing Conservatives for the glory of Reform, he is floundering and would do well to consider his position.

Attacking the police for racism is hardly the British thing to do!

I have covered this already. Please do pay attention.

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Complete nonsense. Hatred and fear for the foreign and unwashed is not racism. It is simply rooted in a desire to protect our children and their genetic heritage. It would be better for native Britons to procreate with their pure close relatives than to sully their line with dark, sinister seed.

Ridiculous to suggest that I might somehow be related to a hairy, uncouth gorilla. Have you read the Bible at all?

And my friend Jonathan Gullis is consulting his lawyers.

High Court rules Baroness Mone-linked company breached £122m Covid contract Chancellor Rachel Reeves said the government would

This is just political point scoring against a successful business leader and yachtswoman. Baroness Mone is welcome to sit on my poop deck whenever she likes. I see no Labour politicians were clever enough to avail themselves of the opportunities that Michelle found!

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Secret BBC filming exposes hidden culture of racism and misogyny inside Met Police Panorama undercover investigation captures evidence that

This blatantly political assault on our hard-working British policemen must stop immediately. No doubt they expressed themselves strongly out of frustration at having to work with inferior settlers and women from overseas. But they are only saying what we all think!

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What you like to call “batshit idiocy” is simply proper, modern Conservatism. And what better place to learn more about it than suckling at the prodigious mammaries of the inestimable Mr Farage?

WHAT

Mother. I think we can all agree that your best childbearing years are well behind you. You’ll never surpass the supreme achievement of delivering me from your magical place.

So why this endless quest for male attention? You hardly need the money. I suggest you adopt a more dignified approach.

Nonsense. Those look like British natives to me.

I lead the tide. I never follow. I am the nation’s moral weathercock.

Bless you. And well done for showing respect to my authority and birthright.

Even so-called Christian Ministers can succumb to the seductive lies of the Dark One.