Julie 💀

College Profs: No job in this field will tolerate horsing around.

My coworker and I: Constantly repeating Key and Peele sketches

Tiny bestie

A client just told me that she appreciates that I let her rant and like.. a few things.

1. I'm here for you. This is the most important thing.

2. I want the tea.

Coworker: I really like the Dune films.

Me, an emo idiot: I love LS Dunes.

My therapist told me I'm very funny so I basically won therapy and don't have to go back.

I'm cured.

Me: cracks open and energy drink

Coworker, down the hall: Is someone drinking beer already!? It's not even 9AM.

Me: We're also at work!

Coworker: Oh, I dont care about that.

I'm gonna teach this guy how to roll joints 🥰

My friends make the most perfect babies 🥰

Security: - grabs my stomach - you have something in your hoodie pocket. Take it out.

Me: That's a fat roll.

I know nothing about childbirth and I'd like to keep my innocence.

Friend: Just lost my mucus plug!

Me: Oh well what the FUCK IS THAT!?

Explained what "serving cunt" meant to my mom today.

Then she asked me if her flip flops were serving cunt.

Thoughts and prayers

Dems really saying that all violence is bad while the Republicans let your kids die in kindergarten.

Idgaf

It's raining and leaves are falling and I'm so fucken happy I could just crush a pumpkin with my thighs

So my friend took in a pregnant cat

I was also this close to Lady Gaga

So I went to NYC

WHADDYA MEAN THE GUY AT THE BAGEL SHOP CALLED ME SWEETHEART AND TOLD ME TO HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY 😭😭😭

First time in NYC and New Yorkers are so nice?????????

Coworker: I don't eat any processed foods or sugar.

Me, drinking a Redbull and eating a donut: that's crazy

a man wearing sunglasses and a purple shirt is holding a microphone and says `` i am '' . ALT: a man wearing sunglasses and a purple shirt is holding a microphone and says `` i am '' .

My dad, a former bodybuilder, told me I looked "strong and mean" today 💅🏻

And she's late, no shocker.

Love that I show up on time for every shift but I'd be the asshole if I left.

Capitalism is fun and cool.

My coworker, who is always late, is coming in after me today.

Should I just bail as soon as my shift is over lol?

A 10 year old just told me I look like Rhea Ripley so I'll be bragging about that for months.

If you're blaming the workers, you can kiss my balls.

Air Canada needs to pay their fucken people better and not fuck up my vacation.

This really brought the exploitation of their employees to the forefront and I fully blame their ass for my vacation potentially being fucked.

PAY 👏 YOUR 👏 STAFF 👏

My coworker has a frog that visits her

Davey Havok looks like my Uncle who does shrooms and hands me straight cash for holidays.

Living for it.

Said hi to a small child today and it immediately started screaming and crying.

Still got it.