Mother of Monsters

Two black cats are facing each other. One is grooming the cheek of the other. #fridate

Closer image of both cats. One looks off in the distance while the other makes eye contact with the viewer.

Kennedy Bob & Chloe were planning on having a date night but they are open to making friends

Are they going to fly war planes overhead to drown them out again?

I just went to their website and it must be down. Weird!!

Change has smaller sizes. I know they have at least a 30 band size. I feel like they might have 28 but am not positive. I used to be tinier than I am now and finding bras was always so hard!

As someone who has cerebral spinal fluid leaking out my optic nerve and nose, please don’t tarnish our good reputation by linking us with him. He can’t leak what he’s never had!

The best bra I have ever purchased was Warner’s Cloud 9. Made with ultra soft fabric (feels like modal) and wirefree. Not sure what stores you have where you live but Change also has great wireless bras. I was so relieved when I found them I cried.

TIL Hitler had a sexual disorder and most likely had a micro penis as well as an undescended testicle. He had been bullied for having a small dick. We need to make this as much a part of his public image as his ugly moustache was. So much for his genetic supremacy. Adolph Babydick Hitler.

I guess they figure that if I won’t let them drink any tea that they’re allowed to take over the party! 😹

Heart still broken, spirit still weary, body still disabled, world diminished to my four walls, but comforted. Wet faced, throat constricted, soul aching, but comforted.

Maybe it’s possible Cohey sensed my burnout, my heartbreak over the state of the world, my feelings of inadequacy being housebound with illness and unable to bring about the change I intended. Maybe this is why he visits my dreams every other Remembrance Day. I don’t know but I feel comforted.

It sounded like him passing the baton, hoping the next generation might take up the mantle but do it better. It is the antithesis of his entire oeuvre of music and it’s what my soul needed to hear today, snuggled up with Cohey’s little sis and her husband, on a snowy day in the middle of all this.

The way the music swells with hope, the way his backup singers sound like an Angel chorus. Leonard’s music is never hopeful. It may be sardonic and sassy or plummeting the depths of grief or the struggles of the sacred and profane. But this one snippet of a song remained after he died.

But then we hear The Hills.

For this in a second
Our lives will collide
The endless suspended
The door opened wide
And she will be born
To someone like you
What I left undone
She will certainly do
I know she is coming
And I know she will look
And that is the longing
And this is the hook

“Puppets” felt like giving up and seems like a prophesy come true in the ICE kidnappings. That it’s all inevitable, a cycle of humanity inflicting cruelty on other groups of humans. We admit defeat. What can we possibly do in our frailty?

The line “the neighbours returns my smile of defeat” hit like a punch in the gut. The world is too much with us, late and soon. The Center cannot hold. Everything is torn. All the passion of a life lived becomes as impossible to see as the wings of a hummingbird.

I relate to his last 2 albums so much more than before due to my illness. He was in his 80s and I’m half his age but I related to how he describes his physical infirmities, his detached relation to the chaos of the world, his realization that the wisdom of a hummingbird surpasses his own.

Hyperactive Kennedy (who prefers dancehall music) settled in for both albums, eyes open just a bit, resting by my feet. Chloe was curled up at my waist and I noticed her experiencing frisson whenever the Spanish guitar or mandolin played! She loved it as much as Cohey would have.

So this morning I decided to have that listening party he never got to have. I set up a tea party in my bed, got lifted, summoned Chloe & Kennedy and we listened to Thanks for the Dance. Then You Want it Darker. I hadn’t heard these albums in years and it felt so good.

I’m not sure what it means. The background dream characters are maturing as the time goes by, meeting new milestones, lives changing drastically just like their rooms. But Cohey and I keep meeting outside of time, unchanged. Six years, 3 dreams, 2 years apart to the day!

The setting was so beige. The cramped chaos of dream one has turned into an open, empty unfurnished beige room where the toddlers of the art students were playing with Cohey until he saw me. None of his beloved pink or the lush textures we both loved. But in that sterile room, we snuggled once more.

2 more years go by and I forget that I had had those similar dreams on the same night 2 years apart. I wake up today from a third dream where I met him at a condo “block party”, where the young students from the first 2 dreams had bought adjacent condos and were having a joint housewarming.

2 years go by and on Nov 11 2023 I meet him in another dream. This was set at a house party in an off campus student house. It was another loud party but we snuck away to a quiet room and I got quality time with him. The dream was so vivid I recreated the room in this pic I made.

On November 11 2021, he showed up in a studio apartment crammed with art students in New York. We drank tea together using a rare Shelley teacup. Dreams are so weird. But I remember waking up with so much joy and gratitude, having gotten to hug him once more time.

But last night I had a vivid dream of Cohey. The same dream I have had every other November since he passed, just in slightly different fonts. In the dream we run into each other at crowded parties filled with tons of Gen Z strangers.

Sadly, Cohey got sick so fast and died about 2 weeks before the album was released. I found it hard to listen to LC after that, somehow his music became linked with the death of my beloved bestest boy.

My version of a “listening party” is turning down the lights, getting lifted, pulling closed the curtains in my canopy bed, snuggling the cat and settling in for an uninterrupted listen of the album from start to finish. Cohey loved LC, likely because his gravelly voice was like a purr set to music.

Anyway, in 2019 I was so excited to hear Thanks for the Dance, his posthumous album of snippets and poems produced by his son and accompanied by musicians like Beck, The National. To hear one of his albums for the first time after he was gone. I planned to have a listening party in October.

When Leonard Cohen died, I was devastated. I have never had a celebrity crush or anything, LC was the only one that I felt understood me better than I did myself. He died just days before Trump was elected in 2016. This puppet poem release posthumously sounds like a prophesy now.

So I was obsessed with Leonard Cohen for decades. I named Cohey after him. He and I loved to listen to his raspy voice that probably sounded to Cohey like a purr set to music.

Puppet Presidents command
Puppet troops to burn the land
Puppet fire, puppet flames
Feed on all the puppet names
Puppet lovers in their bliss
Turn away from all of this
Puppet reader shakes his head
Takes his puppet wife to bed
Puppet me and puppet you
Puppet German, puppet Jew - Leonard Cohen