@oldtelegram.bsky.social
TO: BLUE SKY CORPORATION WHAT IF SOMEONE CAME UP WITH A BUNCH OF FAKE HISTORICAL TELEGRAMS STOP IT MIGHT BE AMUSING STOP OLD TELEGRAM ACCOUNT
TO: THOMAS DANEHY MAYOR CAMBRIDGE MASS
THE CAHS ARE NO LONGER BAHD FROM THE YAHD STOP
DEREK BOK
PRESIDENT OF HARVARD
#HARVARD
TO: CARLY SIMON
YOU DREAMED ABOUT CLOUDY COFFEE STOP BORING STOP THIS IS WHY WE BROKE UP STOP I NEEDED SOMEONE BETTER STOP
WARREN BEATTY
#MUSICSKY #MUSIC
TO: SIGMUND FREUD
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH FINGERBANGING I WAS ABLE TO GET AWAY WITH IT BEFORE YOU RUINED EVERYTHING AND REDEFINED HYSTERIA STOP
DOCTOR JOSEPH LISTER
TO: AXL ROSE
GORILLAS INTERPRET GETTING ON ONES KNEES TO BE A SIGN OF AGGRESSION STOP
JANE GOODALL
#MUSICSKY
#ACADEMICSKY
TO: LAWRENCE WELK
STOP
FRANK ZAPPA
#MUSICSKY
TO: JOAO GILBERTO
IT WOULD BE PRETTY ANNOYING TO HAVE EVERYONE SAY AH ANY TIME YOU WENT ANYWHERE STOP
STAN GETZ
#MUSICSKY
TO: STEVEN LISBERGER
GIVE ME ENOUGH PEYOTE AND YOU WONT NEED ANY SPECIAL EFFECTS TO GET ME INSIDE A COMPUTER MAN STOP
JEFF BRIDGES
#TRON
TO: P D EASTMAN
I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU THIS BUT YOUR MOTHER WAS MADE OF BARE WIRE AND COVERED WITH A CLOTH TOWEL STOP
HARRY HARLOW
#ACADEMICSKY
#BOOKSKY
TO: LOUIS WAIN
SIR STOP WE CONTRACTED YOU TO ILLUSTRATE THE BIBLE STOP JESUS WAS NOT A CAT STOP
GEORGE BRETT JR
MACMILLAN PUBLISHING
#CATURDAY
TO: KURT LODER
BREAKING NEWS STOP MC SKAT KAT DEAD AT 27 STOP
TABITHA SOREN
#MUSICSKY
TO: STEVE MILLER
WHAT THE HELL IS A POMPATUS STOP
BOZ SCAGGS
#MUSICSKY
TO: SAMUEL BECKETT
I DONT GET IT STOP
JEAN PAUL SARTRE
#BOOKSKY
TO: LAURA BRIDGMAN
ITS NOT THAT I REGRET TEACHING HER BUT MY GOODNESS DOES SHE SWEAR LIKE A SAILOR STOP
ANNIE SULLIVAN
#HISTORYSKY
TO: BILLY SMITH
WHOS CRAZY NOW BITCH STOP
EDWIN DRAKE
#HISTORYSKY
TO: HARPER LEE
EVERY TIME I READ THE WORD BOO I SCREAM STOP CAN YOU CHANGE THE NAME STOP
TAY HOHOFF
J B LIPPINCOTT AND CO
#BOOKSKY
TO: ALBERT EINSTEIN
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BOX BIG ENOUGH TO HOLD A MOOSE STOP
ERWIN SCHRODINGER
TO: ERWIN SCHRODINGER
SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH A MOOSE STOP MOOSE ARE FUNNY STOP
ALBERT EINSTEIN
TO: ALBERT EINSTEIN
THEY ARE TAKING ME SERIOUSLY STOP I HATE IT STOP
ERWIN SCHRODINGER
#ACADEMICSKY
TO: THOMAS GODFREY CAREY BAILIFF OF GUERNSEY
BIT OF A SILLY QUESTION FOR YOU OLD CHAP STOP WHICH CAME FIRST THE ISLAND OR THE COW STOP
HRH EDWARD VII
TO: ROBERT ZUBRIN
DONT TELL ANYONE BUT I THINK NEPTUNE IS STUPID AND IM TIRED OF IT STOP
CARL SAGAN
#ACADEMICSKY
TO: ARLINE GREENBAUM
GOT BORED WITH PICKING LOCKS STOP NOW PLANNING THE PERFECT MURDER STOP
RICHARD FEYNMAN
#ACADEMICSKY #HISTORYSKY
TO: RICHARD DONNER
CHRISTOPHER REEVE STOP THE GUY FROM THAT SOAP OPERA STOP ARE YOU MESSING WITH ME NOW STOP
ALEXANDER SALKIND
#SUPERMAN
TO: WILLIAM HANNA AND JOSEPH BARBERA
WHEN PEOPLE THINK LONE RANGER THEY THINK CLAYTON MOORE STOP WHEN PEOPLE THINK SHERLOCK HOLMES THEY THINK BASIL RATHBONE STOP WHEN PEOPLE THINK BATMAN THEY THINK ADAM WEST STOP WHEN WILL IT BE DANNYS TURN I ASK YOU STOP
DANNY DARK
#SUPERMAN
TO: DAVE FLEISCHER
HE CLEARLY ISNT A BIRD OR A PLANE STOP WHAT IS WRONG WITH THOSE PEOPLE STOP IS IT TOO LATE TO TAKE THAT OUT OF THE CARTOON STOP
MAX FLEISCHER
#SUPERMAN
TO: JERRY SIEGEL AND JOE SHUSTER
WHAT IS WITH THE HAIR CURL STOP ARE THERE NO COMBS IN METROPOLIS OR SOMETHING STOP
MALCOLM WHEELER-NICHOLSON
DETECTIVE COMICS INC
#SUPERMAN
TO: OLD TELEGRAM ACCOUNT
CONGRATULATIONS ON A JOKE SO OBSCURE YOU BARELY UNDERSTAND IT YOURSELF STOP BE BETTER STOP
ANDY KAUFMAN
TO: PAUL SIGNAC
TRYING TO SEND YOU A TELEGRAM ABOUT MY PAINTINGS BECAUSE I DO IT BY MAKING A E ON THE CANVAS AND THE TELEGRAPH OPERATOR KEEPS TYPING E INSTEAD OF E SINCE E IS E IN MORSE CODE STOP DAMN IT NOT E STOP POINTS STOP MY PAINTINGS ARE MADE FROM POINTS STOP NOT E STOP
GEORGE SEURAT
#ART
TO: SENATOR JOHN F MILLER
JUST MAKE SURE YOU DONT EXCLUDE ANY WHITE CHINESE STOP
PRESIDENT CHESTER A ARTHUR
TO: JACK HUNTER HEELEY FC
WE CAN BE CERTAIN OF ONE THING STOP THERE WILL NEVER BE A FC WITH A STRANGER NAME THAN PATRICK THISTLE STOP
FRED HARGREAVES BLACKBURN ROVERS FC
#SPURS #THFC
TO: JERRY SIEGEL AND JOE SHUSTER
A MAN WITH THE PROPORTIONAL STRENGTH AND ABILITIES OF A SPIDER STOP THATS EVEN STUPIDER THAN YOUR IDEA FOR A MAN WHO PRETENDS TO BE A BAT STOP TRY AGAIN FELLAS STOP
MALCOLM WHEELER-NICHOLSON
DETECTIVE COMICS INC
#SUPERMAN
