Tjorven Hunter she/her

🚨🚨🚨 I'm going to post this video every day so we never forget what the 34x POS convicted felon & adjudicated rapist & pedophile Trump did 🚨🚨🚨

I’m gonna post this every day so nobody forgets exactly who Pedophile Trump is and why the Epstein files have suddenly disappeared.

I was kind of wondering why you hadn’t been murdered yet. I mean, like, are you just lazy or something? No shame.

[being murdered in the car]

murderer: *murdering*

me: *pointing at my correctly worn safety belt like what the heck*

you just know that when a pineapple shows up, all the regular day to day fruits are like “what’s this guy’s problem”

i’m not seeing here in the constitution where it says every single day must be insane

me: no one believes me when i say there's a secret race of horse-people

therapist: try to ignore the naysayers

me: the fucking who

the boy who cried wolf would be a way cooler story if actual wolves came out of his eyes

chief: you're suspended, turn in your things

detective: *hands over gun & badge*

chief: …and?

detective: (reluctant) *hands over mustache*

wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey?

guard: [looking away] fine

wife: did something happen?

guard: [tearing up] no

wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?

It is now the head of HR

a single look at any social media today would kill a person from 2024

I’m in this pic and I don’t like it

[one minute after being buried in coffin]

me: well this is actually kind of relax-

[loud bass coming from the coffin next door]

You were supposed to pay the dog tax w this post sir

imagine it’s a Tuesday evening and you’re at the main grocery store on the Death Star and, upon entering the produce section, you spot Darth Vader by the bananas and he’s wearing Birkenstocks

Panel 1: A wolf is in a sheep costume with a yellow ribbon on the neck. He's in a flock of sheep. He's thinking "Hehehe... They don't know I'm really a wolf." Panel 2: A few of the sheep have approached the wolf. One is touching his 'wool', saying "oh my gosh, your wool is so soft!" Another is touching his ribbon, saying "and your ribbon is so pretty!" Panel 3: The sheep are pulling him along with them somewhere, saying "c'mon, let's go dance in the meadow!" and "let's dance and graze!" He is smiling and beginning to blush. Panel 4: Two wolves are sitting at a campfire. One has his head in his hands. The other is saying "It's been 4 days, where the hell is he."

Executioner: any last words?

Me: pineapple belongs on pizza. Hit the switch

laura loomer tweet: WOKE MARXIST POPE

Cassocks are red
Conclaves are dope
Wake up babe we got a

“Pope Leo XIV” felt right, but “Daddy Pontifex” was narrowly rejected.

Kissing the ring is optional, but buying me a drink is not.

The MLA Pope still refuses to number footnotes. We do not speak.

My homily today: God loves you, but stop being weird in my DMs.

“Worst she can say is no.” Bro, she said I look like someone tried to draw President Taft from memory.

mourning the tragic loss of melted cheese left on this breakfast sandwich wrapper please let me find the strength

*waking up soaked in sweat, reaching for the roll of paper towels on the nightstand*

Holy crap. I just saw that you posted that yesterday.

I just gave away my $1100 this morning

heard a rumor that one of the cardinals has an early release Switch 2 he’s bringing to the conclave

[first day as a doctor]

me: inside of you are two wolves

patient: …you mean lungs?

me: (looking at x-ray again) you know what