Phil

tapping on an ad for the 'calm' app, and all the questions they ask I'm like "where is the 'all of the above' option"
having A Realization

Oh god I remember when the sata controller on my motherboard died. It was the worst of times. Best wishes for your diagnostics

Having inflammatory arthritis during a cold front is not a great time

I would graphically eat a dong shaped waffle over that disgusting dog turd 10/10 times

There are much, much worse shapes

Sources are now confirming that it is also the worst shape for a state

Imagine a Maryland waffle

Watched Predator Badlands. That font is way too bad ass for how tame that movie was. They jar-jar'd the predator

Any time an average person "how is this legal to do to someone?", the answer is pretty much guaranteed to have a republican in its foundations. Lawless garbage to the core

i wish i was enough

Lamentable

I bonked my head and my teeth turned into piano keys and little tweety birds flew around my head

In all seriousness though it was a 20mph single vehicle impact vs a boulder. I was a little sore from the jolt but that was about it. The worst part was it happened on christmas

Thank you for asking

Well I totaled my Honda in the dumbest way. Poor old thing. An unceremonious end to 255k miles of loyal service.
Anyway I have a new toyota hybrid and let me tell you I fucking love this car

You wanna know what I love? Contributing to the happiness of my friends. It's so easy to do and just impossible to regret

The best thing in the world is giving someone a gift and watching them be happy about it. Joy is the ultimate combination of Happiness, Love, and Gratitude. Experiencing joy vicariously (but purely) through your friends is as close to being God as we get on this Shit Rock

Love hard, thank hard

People who wince from getting a rocephin shot are genetically weak

This is phantom of the panic at the disco of the opera

Today is my birthday. It is also the birthday of Dr. Louks, excuse me while I fanboy

my heart breaks for Tyler Seguin

Absolute nut kick

So, "what led to your drinking on a tuesday?" you might ask. Tyler Seguin's ACL

Who allowed these posts on this platform. Back to xhitter with this nonsense. Drinking on a tuesday. Preposterous or whatever

My birthday is soon and It Happening™ (badly) would be just the best possible present

I did some outstanding shopping yesterday. Before, I was just going to smell good. Now I am also going to Look Good

I didnt touch my phone though. I should get a medal. Also I threw up

Spongebob meme, opening "holy" case to reveal magic. For me, the magic is grease and processed foods known as "sausage and egg mcmuffin"

I drank on an empty stomach last night and boy do I regret it

Lol nah just ordered some decants

I'm about to smell so good all the time and theres nothing any of yall can do about it

I really replaced a whole gfci circuit, multiple light fixtures, and a shower faucet cartridge for an ex (post breakup!) because I am not a piece of shit. And *then* she tells me she's been seeing someone for a while after I finish it all
I regret nothing, and that was a bit of a gut punch