Lucibee

It's why I've only ever applied for jobs I know I can do. So to be told by nasty therapist that I couldn't do any job I'd previously done before, was paralysing. She then told me that I wouldn't get any more therapy until I got a job.
Nasty woman.
I don't do that reverse therapy nonsense.

Scared of getting asked to do something that I can't do. Or not given the space and time to learn how to do it before being thrown in the deep end.

I'll only offer to do something if I know I can complete on it. So it's doubly gutting to be turned down at that stage.

I also find the situation of polarising binaries very difficult.

That if you're seen as someone who is asking for help, you are therefore seen as someone who can't provide help.

I live to help, but no-one ever seems to ask. And I'm bad at putting myself forward because scared of overcommitting.

One of my major flaws is the lack of ability to ask for help. So when I do it, it's very grudgingly, which probably makes things even worse!

That's great if you still have friends.
I've scared all mine off.

I've developed fear of things that I used to be able to do just fine (like driving).

Making myself do them (or having to do them) doesn't seem to do anything to make the fear go away though.

Some days it will be OK. But others, I just can't go there.

I never know which it will be.

Every time it happens, I lose friends.
Apart from my OH, I now have no "friends" who live near, and I find it difficult to talk to those I once knew.
I don't leave the house. I don't socialise. And as I don't work, I don't even have "colleagues".

I have literally been ostracised for who I am and my perceived "behaviour".
13 years ago, I was kicked out a choir for asking too many awkward questions about how it was run.
The fall-out from that led to a breakdown and what I guess is a form of PTSD (another categorisation).

I'd rather just exist on my own terms, rather than having to meet some kind of benchmark.

It really irks that some ppl close to me have adopted the AuDHD persona to "join the trendy club", yet I struggle in areas they don't, but I can't say anything.

End up hating everyone and everything.

The very act of categorisation means that I feel I have to choose whether to be in or out.

I can't choose in, because I know I don't fit with others already in. I don't feel I belong.

So I'm forced to choose out.

Ostracised again!

Oh please don't even go there!
I will not be forced into another box!

...understand anything at all and assumes that everyone has the singular issue they are trying to "fix" by a method that just won't work for most people anyway. 😖

[rant rant rant rant rant rant]

...things, like taking a different route to the supermarket, or trying new things. BUT THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS USED TO DO BUT CAN'T DO ANYMORE!!! 🤦🤦🤦

It's not about "trying". The impetus is GONE. Don't you understand?

Well, no, because this is a one-size-fits-all pseudotherapy that doesn't...

...something was wrong. Not only could I not do that anymore, but it would come with a huge amount of anxiety that was an additional block.

It was then *hugely* frustrating to be put on an ACTivate Your Life course that suggested that all I needed to do was to ignore routine and do impulsive...

I seem to defy all assumptions. I never seem to fit in the right box.
I need routine, but often find it very hard to stick to.
I used to delight in going off piste - and that's OK. But when lack of motivation struck, that was the first thing that went. So it was a bit of a red flag that...

And that's the thing that most frustrates me about psych treatments is their unwillingness to accept that mental health issues are *brain disorders* that are not determined by a "lack of willpower" or somesuch.
Yet that seems to be what they target. 😩

Sometimes I imagine what it would have been like had we adapted to Covid instead of giving up.

If we had clean air in public spaces.
Respirators in healthcare.
Free masks for those who need them.
Better tests & treatment.
Paid time off.

We would all be healthier.

Me on a candlelit vigil for AIDS in 1987.

Me last week. Looking pretty healthy for 58 (28 years living with HIV).

I was diagnosed with #HIV in 1998, when I was 30.
Many of my friends had died of AIDS. I did not expect to live to 50.
I’m 58 now.
HIV treatment works.
Treatment also makes it impossible for me to pass HIV on during sex.
Ensure HIV treatment for all.
End HIV stigma.
#WorldAIDSDay

But, just to be clear, I do not have ME or any type of fatiguing illness.
Once I get going, I can go for ages.
It’s that initial inertia that’s the issue.
A big lump in the road.

That’s just it though. I am the antithesis of that.
I am yin to your yang.
Maybe that’s why I get it? Sort of?

Great to see MSM pick up on #MECFS stories, but it is NOT a rare disease. It's more than twice as prevalent as MS. Of the 400+ million people who have had #longCOVID globally, half meet diagnostic criteria for ME.

Sadly, Evan's story is far from rare.

#disability #healthcare #chronicillness

Is that a good source of dopamine?

And actually that's just it. It's not that I can't be bothered.

I have no motivation at all. No urge to do. I can't make myself do. It's like an eternal stuckness.

Even the word "can't" feels too active.

It's really hard to explain. Like trying to explain nothingness. Or void.

Does ‘laziness’ start in the brain? Understanding the surprising mechanism behind apathy can help unlock scientific ways to boost your motivation

Interesting article on motivation and apathy.

I wish we'd stop calling it 'laziness' though.

I have a real problem with this, and the stated solutions (getting up and doing some aerobic exercise) really don't do it for me.

Can't be bothered. 🫥

#dopamine

www.theguardian.com/books/2025/n...

Automatic cat feeder?
Although she'll probably wake you up each morning to tell you about the magic device that has appeared in the kitchen!

Very satisfying.

Everyone in the UK in the 1970s in one clip.

I guess the only way is to black-out all the windows so she can't tell when dawn is.

Part of our 2025 Advent Calendar, a black and white line drawing showing my version of Bigfoots wearing wintery clothes and bearing various wrapped Christmas presents.

Every year we make a free-to-download-and-print-off-yourself colouring-in Advent Calendar. This year’s heavily features Bigfoots. Please share!
Download it for free here… www.worldofmoose.com/pages/2025-b...

Put the clocks forward an hour? 😆