Kt Schaefer

Addendum: immediately after posting this I got a notice from my therapist office. Lol.

That is not the one my brain offers. I want to love myself and see myself as beautiful and a good person, but I don't know if that will ever be in the cards for me. So in the meantime, I persist. All I can do is keep going. If you are also experiencing this, solidarity my friend.

I hear from my brain. I go to therapy regularly, take multiple meds, and keep my partner informed of where I am at when things get extra bad. Most of the time this is almost white noise, just my brain being a jerk. And I persist. But the toll it takes on me is so heavy. I wish I could find a way out

In very negative self talk. At this point, almost 10 years in, it feels automatic. I've come close to actually trying it only a couple times thankfully, but every day my brain says, you don't deserve to live, you are worthless, this existential pain is too much, I hate myself. Sometimes that is all

This week has been A Lot in both work and my personal life and I want to talk a bit about chronic suicidal ideation.
I live with multiple mental health issues and the most distressing one is chronic SI. Since about 2017 my days always involve wishing I was dead, actively hating myself and engaging

We are deciding right now whether we want to be a country with ethnic cleansing and concentration camps.

I need more justification to purchase cold smoked salmon. Please help us both on our journey.

I relisten to a lot of podcasts in the background while I do my spreadsheets and one of my favorite things about @michaelhobbes.bsky.social podcasts is that there is so much laughter in most eps. Listening to him laugh with @yrfatfriend.bsky.social and @notalawyer.bsky.social is a legit mood lifter.

Right?! Nothing is ever easy. This works for all your friends? Not you! Have fun buying expensive products to find just the right mix to make your skin happy. Until they change the formula.

It's a trip finding out how to properly moisturize your skin at 40.

Finally playing catch-up for this year's Oscars.
OBAA-its fucking way too accurate when it comes to talking about having an almost adult.
Del Toro is consistently one of the best actors working today, but Leo is a good foil for him.

I was so excited that it's Friday the 13th that I forgot what comes after.

the teens are going to have an incredible time and they deserve it

It is fucking weird to be perceived by everyone as a woman approaching menopause and they talk about HRT like it's just what you do. And there is that jarring moment where I remember they are talking about Estrogen and not T.
And I feel some kind of way about it. But I'm not sure what way that is.

DHS has requested expedited deportation proceedings against family of Liam Conejo Ramos The federal government has filed a motion seeking to end asylum claims for the family of Liam Conejo Ramos, according to the lawyer representing the family.

BREAKING: The federal government has filed a motion seeking to end asylum claims for the family of Liam Conejo Ramos, according to the lawyer representing the family.

DHS has requested expedited deportation proceedings against family of Liam Conejo Ramos The federal government has filed a motion seeking to end asylum claims for the family of Liam Conejo Ramos, according to the lawyer representing the family.

Just a normal government doing normal government things like...trying to punish someone with deportation after kidnapping them and their five year old.

DHS requests expedited deportation proceedings against family of Liam Conejo Ramos | MPR News share.google/Ta3ckCKpsH3U...

You didn't call them timepieces so you were more relatable than anyone else who has talked to me about watches.

I could listen to an entire miniseries of episodes of Sarah Marshall on @yourewrongabout.bsky.social deconstructing why Claire has a wild fucking take and is about as wrong as someone can be about the meaning of a phrase.

Such a good thread. It made me think about how when women have a whisper network to keep each other safe (in response to shit like this!) it's somehow The Worst Thing Ever. But the men in the Epstein files will probably never face the justice they deserve for actual harm they cause.

As a very pedantic child I had several aggressive discussions with other fundamentalist children that Catholics were so Christian, they were the first Christians! They were just wrong about Jesus🫠😂😅

It's so funny to me that some folks are shocked that the devout Baptist Mike Johnson tried to school the Pope on the Bible. Growing up in fundamentalism, those folks think the Pope is an agent of the devil and that Catholics are not Christians.
I'm sure he was delighted to have the justification.

YouTube video by Internet Comment Etiquette with Erik Internet Comment Etiquette: "Crying Over Raw Milk"

Whenever someone brings it up I've been immediately asking them, are you talking about 'poopmilk' thanks to Internet Comment Etiquette. youtu.be/JSh5MhAQch0?...

I must not engage in discourse. Discourse is the vibe-killer. I will face the discourse. I will permit it to pass over me and around me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the discourse has gone there will be nothing. Only vibe will remain.

Is it weird that the post modernism thing is the most upsetting to adult me?

Still trying to parse that.

After George Floyd was murdered by the state, the Twin Cities started building neighborhood coalitions. Providing real help to those in need with food, cash, and other support. We are not professional agitators or idealists, just people trying to prevent more state violence through peaceful protest.

Listening to the 1st episode of @ihatejamesdobson.bsky.social and so much about my childhood makes sense. Including; my dad's bizarre dislike of post modernism, the insistence that I listen to Focus on the Family and Dobson believing he was speaking with the voice of God.

Just uh...it was a cult.

Meleg Méltósàg Menet örökké

Swear to God @ifbookspod.bsky.social chose their latest book purely so Michael could make Peter read the awful prose.

Thanks for suffering through this book guys, this was a fabulous episode.

Aranofsky has made a few films that have deeply impacted me, it is horrific to see he's doing this.

I got my hair cut for the first time in 6-7 years, releasing the last vestige of my life before The Divorce, COVID-19, and a lot of other things.

Still working through some things because every picture I take I hate, all I can see is my imperfections. But I wanted to post about it anyway.