Chris Hicks

Bad Bunny’s birthday is March 10th.

Checking my wife’s calendar and found she added a new event for March 10th.

My wife got mad this morning because I wasn’t paying attention to the reels she was showing me.
I was still watching the reels she texted me.

Remember to blindfold your car before the snowstorm so it doesn’t get scared.

Easy way to remember:

The reign in Spain ended with the king in twain.

To rein in Spain they won the crowd with grain.

Ever just be walking and your knee forgets how to knee?

Mine just did.

Now I have a limp with no origin story.

The Universe is Listening A Workplace Horror Story (B-Side #5)

Congratulations, your vision boards worked. A brand new short story is live:

Glorious.

The House on Dead Ebb Tide Some tides return. Some take everything with them. (B-Side #3)

Just dropped a new coastal horror story.
When the tide goes out too far, something else comes in.

Read now:

The Brilliance of The Chair Company What if Don Quixote thought he was Edward Snowden?

Thoughts on the finale of The Chair Company.

Still Here The future becomes terrifying once it feels normal. (B-Side #2)

Just dropped a new post-apocalyptic short story: A guy hell-bent on keeping his morning commute intact as society crumbles around him.

Dark, funny, and uncomfortably relatable if you’ve ever clung to routine to cope with chaos.

Still Here - read for free below.

The Apocalypse Will Be Banalized.

B-Sides #1 - A Slice of Luck A one-off from the Disco Insomnium cutting room floor. No ghosts, no demons, just pie, a gun, and a gambler who should’ve kept driving.

A new standalone story is available over on Substack, click below to check it out.

Mama, just killed a man.

Kids: you need to stop texting visual puns, they’re not funny.

Me: Oh yeah? Well, this graph says otherwise:

All You Can Eat - Chapter One An Invited Guest

Chapter 1 is live on Substack!

All You Can Eat – Teaser An eight-part serial novella. The first course drops Tuesday, November 10th.

Belly up to the counter for a buffet of terror.

You misheard me. I didn’t say there is a lot of money to be made from writing. I said there is a lot of money to be made from writers.

And you can too, if you sign up for my six week Masterclass on…

YouTube video by Sargent House Emma Ruth Rundle - Marked For Death (Official Audio)

Batting cleanup on today’s writing playlist:

Reviving This Before My Mom Unsubscribes Or, How My Substack Went to Buy Cigarettes and Disappeared for Over a Year

🚨 I ghosted my Substack for a year. Now I’m back with weekly horror/sci-fi shorts. No cigarettes, just nightmares.
First drop: Tuesday.

(P.S. Ever wondered if you can milk a pigeon? Click below, then subscribe.) 🐦💀

thanos says " perhaps i treated you too harshly " in a scene from a movie ALT: thanos says " perhaps i treated you too harshly " in a scene from a movie

Watched Halloween 3: The Season of the Witch for the first time since watching it in the 80s.

Aggressive virus infected monkeys weren’t on my bingo card for this year, but that’s on me.

AARP should change its name to AAOPWWNRAWUTAD

It's easy to forget, but some days you just have to remind yourself that you have survived every bad day you've had in your life, which means you're undefeated.

a cartoon character says this could be a trap in a dark room ALT: a cartoon character says this could be a trap in a dark room

My wife was trying on dresses and asked me, “do I look good or do I look skinny?”

For anyone in Columbus, Ohio the Ohio Horror Writer’s Association has event with the Columbus Library on 10/26.

I’ll be reading a brand new story & participating on the panels.

Details below:

She’s trying to decide if she can walk on the door trim. She’s almost ready for the cat version of Ninja Warrior.

She’s part mountain goat, always going up, never down.

#NoKings

Owl pounce at half speed. Not sure what she’s hunting but she’s chewing on something.

a cartoon character from south park is pointing at a blackboard with multiplication written on it ALT: a cartoon character from south park is pointing at a blackboard with multiplication written on it

Me every time the stock market tanks.