Nicholas Peterson

Cut him some slack, peeing indoors is hard.
In the hallway it’s bad. In the toilet it’s good. In the sink, which is basically a toilet for your hands, bad again. Shower (big sink) still bad but also a bunch of people are lying about it. It’s madness. Wet, stinky madness.

First president to fail the Turing test

There’s a guy with my name who went to the same college as me and now works for NASA and man was I getting some wild emails for a while

fun fact: columbus is in the Bad Place because of all the raping, slave trade and genocide

Every day is Indigenous Peoples' Day

Landback flag

#Landback today, and every day.

It also took time for me to appreciate Johnny Cash. Specifically, the 47 seconds needed to finish the first chorus of ’Ring of Fire.’

This was also the thesis for my statistics minor!
Unlike Ken I did not get a ‘B’.

I'm going to tell you what I told my bandmates when our van broke down midway between Phoenix and Tucson: we're going to fuck our way back to a healthy society and I don't want any nonsense about biological reality getting in the way

I’m already trying to get it to catch on as a new street drug and/or sex act

Lends further credence to my "the 'hair' is a parasite controlling a corpse" theory

Every month you meet with your transition case worker. "Did you transition today?" "No." "Did you try to transition today?" "Yes."

Elon Musk is going to make you his [insert every slur imaginable]

Aww he's adorable, I bet he's going to read the entire Wikipedia of the 30 Years' War at me

I remember the first time I watched and I thought “am I supposed to know all of these names?” and the theme song was like “I’m telling you everything you need to know right now, pay attention and shut up”

Team brain in a vat 4 life

What you need to understand is that as soon as AI makes everyone who owns an AI factory rich, you'll have so much money you won't care about healthcare unless you're one of the everyone displaced by AI

For a while there you could get an entire story out of "what if Batman got really into carpentry" and I think the movies should be more willing to embrace that

When it comes to rating musical acts based on the number of famous imaginary dildos they're associated with, the choice is clear

Aaron Sorkin’s thesis has always been “of course liberals and conservatives can get along, provided both of them are democrats.“

So, when the democrats inevitably abandon trans people entirely, what are we calling our new party? It’s going to be something lIke “the goblin coalition” isn’t it.

Syn-ni-bar! Syn-ni-bar!

Exclusive | OpenAI’s New Sora Video Generator to Require Copyright Holders to Opt Out Executives at the company notified talent agencies and studios over the last week.

I am declaring Sam Altman responsible for paying my bills unless he elects to opt out
www.wsj.com/tech/ai/open...

Democrats need to compromise with Republicans on dehumanizing trans people so they don't interrupt the important government work of dehumanizing immigrants

It's loyalty oath time mothersuckers

Aww man, future me gets to have all the fun

Everyone who was pissed at the CDC for getting stuff wrong at the start of Covid was super chill with today’s announcement, right?

Definitely both cool and good that every time the man who launches the missiles barks something completely nonsensical we take turns guessing what particular internal spoonerism led us to this, in the hopes we can somehow spin it into something less terrible.

I coincidentally timed it so that the worst of it (hours 12-24 for me) hit overnight & I just had a few groggy hours the next morning, and I'm going to pretend that was deliberate and clever of me.

"But Fencing," you say, "Mr. Monkey -- plenty of people live rich full lives despite the challenges of being neurotypical." Sure we can all cherry-pick examples but is that a risk you're willing to take?

RFK may be a crackpot whose assertions have no basis in reality, but you can never be too careful when it comes to children's health. Parents, make sure to give your kids lots of Tylenol if you want them to grow up to be awesome.

I feel bad that Disney's decision came down to "If we don't cave to the FCC it'll cost us money and the shareholders can sue, so we'll do that until we can show we'd lose more money from people cancelling subscriptions" but that's a side-effect of living in a hypercapitalist system that sucks