Daniel Gallegos

We love you Carly and Chris ❤️ The two of you have been responsible for some of my favorite podcast moments of all time. A seat awaits you in Rude Valhalla

Favorite part of this was all the headlines about Ortega leaving because she was busy filming a tv show, only for her to come out and say "no, it's because you fired my coworker for opposing a genocide"

New York having the biggest snowstorm in three decades or whatever, meanwhile my new mexico ass just got attacked by a swarm of mosquitoes

Like painting a tunnel on the side of a big rock wall

A classic tweet from @kennykeil [Bluto subtweeting after getting his ass whooped] I don't know who needs to hear this but spinach isn't a personality

Jacob Elordi famously replaced Andrew Garfield as Frankenstein's Monster, but I think he should've swapped Wuthering Heights with him. Imho Garfield should've played Heathcliff

Kirk: Is that not what makes humanity human? The emotion that drives us, the compassion that fuels our very souls?

The enigmatic Mister Spock:

Realizing how tightly edited/directed The Pitt always is, because I noticed a spliced line/ADR, and it made me realize I almost never notice when this show has ADR

Rodney Dangerfield

Ugh. The veterinarian told me she needed a urine sample, but honestly I feel so weird peeing in front of the dog like that

My brain is broken in the way that I keep reading "NTSTBTM" as "New Super Mario Bros."

I have a script I wrote for fun that involves like three Blair Witch knockoffs, so now I'm wondering if I have to actually make this thing

Accidentally ordered too many batteries for a 720p digital camcorder I'm fixing up for a minor project, so now I guess I'm financially incentivized to lead the 720p camcorder nostalgia reclamation movement. Gonna film everything on a shitty old Sony from now on

A kurtwood smith is a carpenter who primarily works with kurtwood

Something about being able to do a Donald Duck voice makes middle aged men think that every child they meet is dying for it to be inflicted on them

"Professor White Boy " has perished. They found him self harmed at the bottom of an elevator shaft. Thanks for the fucking smiles, Professor

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They're roasting your ass on chumblr (chumbawamba tumblr)

If Scorsese wins blank check march madness, it means 6 and a half months of Marty podcasts lol

It's amazing how in the 30 minutes where I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock, I was able to have a terrible nightmare that exposes every single insecurity I have including several I didn't know about. Feels great dude, I'm a wheezing walking husk today

There's a line i think about all the time in star wars the force awakens, where finn is asking rey if she's single, but what he says is "Do you have a boyfriend? A cute boyfriend?"

This event is insane

Oh ok, asked and answered, thanks google

Really insidious thing happens in the fast food fish world where they start advertising new fish sandwiches every year around lent as global fish populations fluctuate. It used to be tilapia or cod, I just drove past a sign for sonic's new "Alaskan Pollock" sandwich

Trail mix is good for you because they sometimes mix gross shit in with the m&ms and chocolate chips

Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie is an insane beautiful miracle movie. Every five minutes they do something that leaves you asking how the hell they pulled this off

"So Harold, I heard you have an interesting claim to fame in your home town."
"Pass."
"What?"
"Pass. Not doing it. I'll take French Boats for 1600."

Jeopardy contestant who refuses to do any small talk during the interview segment. "What are we doing here? You don't need to know about my life. Come on, let's get back to the fucking game"

One of these days those Pitt nurses are going to be talking shit in Tagalog and the patient is going to reveal that they're also fluent and heard everything