quill 💫

feeling so # homicidal LOLLLL

i dont want to die but i feel like everyone would be better off without me

btw if yall were wondering it healed perfectly fine !! ;)

me when .. me when i cannot react normally (SOMEBODY SEDATE ME)

i need to learn how to cook yall

guys so i gained weight and i might fucking kms I FEEL SO SHIT RAHHH

how many more years can i get away with saying “this is my last year being fat”? like this is getting ridiculous, the first time i said that was like 7 years ago🫩 i just look like a fool atp

TW// SH

here's an update on it !! it is a lot less painful but still gets pretty bloody 😗

NO LITERALLY I WAS SOBER BUT I WAS LIKE ?!?! i've always wanted to hit that far but id never been able to and after that i just stopped cause DAMNNNN 😭

TW// SH

i accidentally just one swiped beans 💀

good morning !! today im feeling somber but hopeful i think ! not sure what im doing today but hopefully itll be alright 🌺

12 :3 !! also im glad ur safe !!!!

thank you 🫂 i lowkey started to overthink it but it was the best choice with the circumstances given 🥹 but we got through it !

a close up of a cat looking at the camera . ALT: a close up of a cat looking at the camera .

i am !! i think sleep probably helped hehe

thank you 🫂 🫂 im proud of being able to make that decision but it feels so heavy on my heart

i will 🫂 thank you,, it was a lot more soul crushing than i thought it'd be

ur so real for this need to get so high i cannot function

🥹 me too, i just never thought id be in the position where i need to do it ..
im trying to remember it is a true act of love to realize i cannot provide what a child would need or want and it was the best thing to do for us both 🥲

i will not 🫂 i feel a lot better now and i am being supervised by my husband 😵‍💫

i finally did it, i had the abortion

unfortunately now i feel extremely suicidal and want to stab myself :p

okay well maybe i should just kms ! have my cake and eat it too 😝

back on that ED shit 🕺 (currently at 810 cals)

im using Lose It! to track my calories :3c currently on a plan to lose 1 1/2 lbs per week

i want to go harder but i also know that if i do i will start binge eating again 😞 (limit is 1k)

also hoping to workout again cause i want to lose more hehe

i feel so social but i got no friends 💯

maybe i am just meant to suffer

you're right, tysm for your words <3 he understands my struggles and is very empathetic and supportive when he can be, tho it sucks that i inadvertently end up hurting him. he's wonderful and will stick around regardless, and he does calm me down or give me space when i need it. im glad i have him

sorry for the rant; this has been stuck in my mind since our counseling and i just feel so overwhelmed by the reality of it. im planning on starting therapy again; i know the logic but i need to learn how to best apply it and react in a reasonable manner.

i will get better, i need to. i'm hopeful.

the guilt kicks in and i fear he'll leave me so i pull away. then i realize he won't, so i get clingy until some minor thing happens and the fear kicks back up. then the breakdown followed by the guilt.

the cycle repeats, and it's no one's fault but my own. i need to do better for us and for me