Ian Vens

thanks whitney 🙂

now now, give the fascist dictator some grace

i treat the ghosts in my apartment like haters

they haint me cause they ain't me

it's been a rough 20 years

brb... having a dark night of the soul 👻

hoping google comes through...

more like nosh-feratu

i drop and shatter a giant empty wine bottle in front of a bar full of hostile diners.

me: um, that's good luck, right?

them: dead silence

me: phew, talked my way out of that one!

i need my targeted advertising to know i'm not neurodivergent i'm just strange

Drake rn:

Good for nerds gummy clusters ad it’s the best candy innovation we’ve ever had

i guess the main thing i'm into right now is smoking weed and thinking about my mistakes

i want to be those things!!!

hahaha there's so much happening on that can

it's called baddy berry, it's obviously top tier stuff!

what's the answer?

it sucks that in order to be a grandpa you first have to raise a kid

When asked what they were doing, the men said, "Mr. Groove sent us."

hahahaha so true. damn this vampire life!

perfect pairing!

found a ham sandwich on the train

How you gonna be a bashful nazi? Own that shit homie. You gonna throw up the sign you better ride for it. Cut the coy boy stuff. Have some self respect.

kate bush? what’s next, jake tree?

today someone referred to the great british baking show as my show and it was the softest slam ever

more like taft-fartley

pasta and tapas share 100% of the same letters. thoughts?