Shakesbeer

🫡

If you're a door to door whatever you're doing, and I don't answer the first time you knock, I don't care if you know I'm home... fucking leave. Especially in the dark and my porch light isn't on. Get the fuck off my porch, no survey is worth knocking THREE more times.

Weird things I Google for my job:
"Is Frank N. Furter more of a Leo or an Aries?"

That's what I said

A group chat of 30somethings discover the new Yellowcard album and for one brief beautiful moment it's 2004 again

Like, where did all of those actors come from?? Why haven't we seen them before? Incredible performances too to bottom, and IN ONE TAKE. Absolutely masterful

I just watched Adolescence in one sitting and I think I need a minute.
Jesus fucking christ

“You’ve got sadness in you, I’ve got sadness in me – and my works of art are places where the two sadnesses can meet, and therefore both of us need to feel less sad.”

HBD, Mark Rothko ...

Thanks for the info!!

She's a 10 but she'd rather ask the void if it knows if Green Door is open again now that it's fall and the weird summer hours are supposed to be over but everything online is still very ??and god forbid she make a fucking phone call

When I was kid, like the mid to late 90's, Baskin Robbins had this shake but not quite a shake called Chocolate Blast and I've been chasing that high ever since. That shit was fucking delicious

We used to be a proper country

All I'm saying is, I don't think it's the mustaches, I think it's Kerry Carpenter.

Unfortunately, I've yet to encounter a High Noon disguised as Celsius. Really woulda thought the odds were in my favor on this one.

Pro tip: If you have to go to the ER, try to go on your period. It's really nice not having to go through all the "let's make sure you're not pregnant" bullshit.

Would you judge me if I deleted this and started over, because holy hell, I think I messed up when I first started here 🙈

Another summer, another game of: Guess the mystery plant, cucumber or pumpkin?
You compost pumpkins one goddamn time 😂

a cartoon character says " the very instant i became old " in front of a red phone ALT: a cartoon character says " the very instant i became old " in front of a red phone

I'm know I'm old because a man just walked past my porch while I was having a smoke and offered to trade me a couple of weed nuggs (bare, just in his hand btw) for a couple of my cigarettes but I absolutely did not recognize any of the words for what he was offering me 🤣 He got 'em free of charge😆

Still thinking about how I went to howl at the moon last night but the lady across the street was already outhere being the weird neighbor. It was 12:15 at night and she's taking long handled hedge trimmers to the grass in her front yard by the light of the lone street lamp.

I like to sit on my porch, zone out, and I'm usually not wearing my glasses. My biggest fear is that a neighbor thinks I was looking at them and acknowledged me only for me to completely ignore them because I can't see past three feet in front of me.

Today in Small Victories: I think I finally replicated my grandma's scrambled eggs, and without the microwave

Will never stop being delighted by snacking on raspberries from the backyard

I just read about the dad with the texts from his girls. Just when you think it can't get worse

The news coming out of Texas continues to absolutely gut me, fucking horrific.

I'm a simple person truly. Today at Barnes & Noble a gal came up to me just to say "you're like really pretty"
I will be riding this compliment into next week.

Why can't I remember without doing math how old I am anymore? 38? 39? I'm just gonna say 40 I guess.

Am I crazy, or does Cedar street smell just like a hookah lounge in 2007 tonight?

I'm attempting to read a non-fiction, self-help sort of book for the first time in my life and it's absolutely zero fun. Do not recommend.

It's real bad!

Are you really this upset over a dead emu in the city or is *everything* just too much and finally you have something tangible to cry over?