Jezebel Salazar

The UK uses Tylenol (paracetamol) for, like, everything. So, if it caused autism, the whole UK would be au... oh fuck.

The trains.

I want to go home, but home also sucks. Just I have friends there, so it would maybe suck less. It's hard to know.

Me at 2am

Why the fuck 88 feet you fucking facist?

Didn't you throw it at the ground?

They were EVERYWHERE last year!

British people everywhere else on the planet: why don't you speak English?

British people in the USA: not like that!

Absolutely. I tipped mega in Nepal, but we'd all made friends with this waiter and we were just like 🥰 he got mad at me once for tipping, but usually he was cool with it.

See there are some towns in developing nations that are pretty much built on us tipping. I've never been to one, but I have mixed feels.

The rest of the world exists without tipping culture, which was actually banned in the US for a while, but... Well look it up as to why we're here.

Well damn.

I wanna go!

Fuck. Don't fall asleep, I guess.

You know that subplot in BETTER CALL SAUL, where the IT nerd who gets into drug dealing gets ripped off and then reports his baseball cards as stolen?

I rarely advocate for spending money on an institution, but this one is absolutely worth it.

I had to explain this to my dad yesterday and it took a couple of explanations 😬

Messaging for things that are true and complicated is so much harder that simple and false. Ugh.

Number of people who go bankrupt every year because of medical bills or illness-related work loss:

Australia 0
Canada 0
Denmark 0
Finland 0
France 0
Germany 0
Iceland 0
Ireland 0
Italy 0
Japan 0
Netherlands 0
Norway 0
Portugal 0
Spain 0
Sweden 0
UK 0
United States 530,000

There’s a lesson there.

A picture of two sea cucumbers, which instead of being normal dark colours are a pale orange. The main sea cucumber is extended out from the wall of an aquarium tank into the water column, its feeding appendages extended, and a set of plastic vampire fangs are poorly photoshopped approximately near to where its mouth is.

BREAKING NEWS: DIRE SEA CUCUMBER OFFICIALLY DE-EXTINCTED! These incredible predators were once feared throughout the Pleistocene landscape by even the mightiest of slowly falling marine detritus particles

What the fuck

I fenced for a few years and was my university's fencing club president for a few years. It was always mixed gender. The competitions and tournaments were always mixed gender. What the fuck is anything anymore?

President Trump’s Tariffs Will Help America Win the War Against Birds President Trump has announced a sweeping plan of tariffs against dozens of nations, including the Antarctic Heard and McDonald Islands, which are u...

I wrote a new piece on an important topic: “President Trump’s Tariffs Will Help America Win the War Against Birds”

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/pre...

Oh, good. They're using AI to build websites. So pretty much everything I'm ok at doing is being replaced. Replace fucking tax advisors or something that was constructed by lobbyists to literally pain people into buying services, not every last shred of creativity.

“History is not on your side!” ~ Holocaust survivor to illegal capture of people by ICE

Fuck. I'll hyu when I'm more awake.

OMG I thought Selena Gomez was marrying Martin Short.

I don't envy future historians. Imagine explaining that a bunch of old white dudes think phone numbers just get "sucked" into your contacts and used weird emojis after a bombing. Fuck, I couldn't even really relay the gravity of the Hiroshima bombings on my students, now there's emojis.

This is so good.