Sam Wiles

You've created thousands of Jimmy Kimmels

Kash Patel looking at the crowd through a big magnifying glass for antifa like it's where's waldo

I can't imagine what this is doing to Tenacious D right now

As end-of-empire scenarios go it is so much more dignified to get your capital city sacked by the Visigoths than to have a bunch of illiterate rich people in their 70s doing it through a series of incomprehensible tantrums because their brains were defeated by their phones.

Zero stars for the new Naked Gun movie. Was really hoping for a meditation on grief

[THEO VON WHEN HE INEVITABLY HAS GHISLAINE MAXWELL ON HIS PODCAST NEXT MONTH]: Wow so people say men and women can't be friends but you were straight up Jeffery's main guy huh?

215-214. Thanks Gerry Connelly!

Uncrustables Is Releasing a Limited-Edition Flavor for the First Time in 30 Years

"Crust"

Or don't use it you virgin loser doofus

the thing I hate most about that rfk quote is that autistic lives have value and worth and beauty and dignity whether they are able to do the things other people do or not. no one is defined by ability or lack thereof and to frame divergence as lack is monster stuff, utterly godless

‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory EAST HANOVER, NJ—As part of the health secretary’s highly publicized pledge to determine the cause of the disorder in the next five months, a wild-eyed Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly shouted “Show me where autism is made!” Thursday while storming the Sour Patch Kid factory. “Attention Sour Patch Factory people: Give me the autism and no […]

‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory theonion.com/show-me...

Now people are chanting "Robert Mueller and the rule of law!" I'm getting chills!

I can't count the number of "Klobuchar 2028" signs

I get why the democrats are riding this wave and doing basically nothing. Hard to deny the energy of incremental centrism!

Incredible that 30k people showed up at this rally in LA to demand Gavin Newsom move more to the right!

Trans people: please use our correct pronouns and don't call us freaks

The Trump administration: if you publicly oppose genocide our secret police will disappear you and send you to a torture gulag in El Salvador

Centrists: these two things are the same

EVERY SCIENTIST IN THE WORLD: vaccines are the safest and best way to prevent disease
RFK JR: I recommend rubbing dog poop in your eyes while doing the Macarena

I bought Twitter for $44,000,000,000 and sold it back to myself for $33,000,000,000. I have 43 kids and no friends. Everything I make explodes

It’s really funny for me to imagine all of the weird guys like Greg Proops in a meeting after Chuck Schumer capitulated to fascists saying “how can we pin this on Bernie Sanders and the dastardly white man AOC”

i haven't watched white lotus but people are always like "OMG did you see the way CHARLES wears SOCKS!?"

mrs. gennaro I am sorry to have to tell you this but your husband was killed in a work accident. they made dinosaurs real for fun and he got eaten by one while sitting on the toilet. he wasn’t using it he died abandoning children

During the Hays Code era a movie couldn't show people sharing a toilet

Every college republican group is 2/3 closeted guys

We're actually super nice to conservatives considering they all talk like this and have dog food for brains

Stephen King saying “capital punishment is complex” doesn’t mean that it is. Maybe you also think clowns actually turn into big space spiders because he typed it

matt yglesias: Harris would be president today if she’d said some of the stuff that Newsom said in today’s chat with Charlie Kirk. We’d be talking about a more generous CTC instead of Medicaid cuts, abortion rights would be on firmer footing, and the world would be better off in many ways.

man he really hates trans people huh. what is going on in your head where you think harris was one charlie kirk beer summit away from flipping all the swing states she lost?

god it must be so easy to be a Dem consultant, just sitting around making $250k a year to say things like "actually voters don't want healthcare, they want you to go to gun shows and start using the word orientals again"

The poster for Ernest Goes to Jail (1990, John Cherry) I'm at a loss to describe the facial expression he's making. Technically it's a smile but that word carries with it an expectation of warmth that is nowhere to be found in this image. Every tooth in Jim Varney's head is on full display. I don't think I've ever seen a face this tense, even a corpse in rigor mortis is more relaxed than this. And yet his eyes are a million miles away. It's like he's being electrocuted but doesn't care.

You gotta hand it to Jim Varney for being able to make his face display an emotion that does not exist in nature