A Self-Respecting Fish

Alternate joke:

“Hello, Panda Emporium? Yes, it’s Ronnie again.”

Photographer: Veronica, we need a scene that is sexy, elegant, truly represents the grandeur of Hollywood. Do you have any pandas?”

Veronica Lake: (smiles quietly to herself)

Fucking A+ bumper sticker

Has Oprah ever really been called out on every grifter she platformed? Every bullshit panic or mystical magical thinking garbage she capitalized on? Her glamorizing consumerism?

That’s…not why the Erie Canal was built

Good god the damage Disney did to Mary Poppins.

I’m mostly mad about him not understanding history, or concepts like “which things happened before other things.”

I think the problem is my job gives me money, but then I have to pay bills, which cost money. So then I don’t have the money. This is an issue.

Snakes on a Prayin’

My fellow Chicago history nerds, we take to the seas.

Same!

It’s the day after my birthday and, based on the map, it’s not on one of the tour boat companies I’ve sworn vengeance upon. Signed up.

The President of the United States went on CNBC today and said: He won the 2020 election (he didn’t). He has a 71% approval rating (he doesn’t). The jobs numbers were rigged (they weren’t).

I could say something funny here, but I won’t. It’s just so damn dangerous to have him in the White House.

Trump takes unusual stroll on White House roof Ever the developer-in-chief, President Trump makes surprise appearance on White House roof above the briefing room in an apparent effort to inspect future construction.

Child-diddler on the roof. abcnews.go.com/Politics/tru...

The Do-Me Decimal System.

Catfished with shots of the Bodleian.

You release one kryptonite-powered robot on the city and you have to hear about it forever, huh?

Lidiya Yankovskaya, formerly of Chicago Opera Theater, joins growing list of classical musicians leaving U.S. Yankovskaya says cultural institutions abroad are supported by a robust public funding apparatus — a starker contrast than ever to the U.S., where the Trump administration is moving to curtail federal...

“I want to be sure that my children can grow up feeling like they can always express themselves freely I want my children to live in a society that really takes care of its people. I want my children to live in a world that really values things like the arts, that really values things like education

I’ve been listening to the Spotify playlists James Gunn made for the main characters in Superman, like what he thinks Jimmy Olsen or Green Lantern would listen to. Apparently, Lex Luthor and I have pretty similar tastes.

If you see something, say something. Unless it's a frog in a top hat singing "Hello my Baby.” Keep that shit to yourself.

This belongs in a museum.

“It’s just a tool! People used to hate on photoshop too.”

Take away my photoshop, take away my tablets, I can still draw. Take away your plagiarism machine and what are you gonna do? Shout prompts at me?

I think one of the lesser indicators of the state of the world is that if I say “that motherfucker,” you probably know who I mean.

www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddo...

Wait, you made it to the recipe? I’m still scrolling through the long personal anecdote about the first time they had a smoothie.

My wife offered me some peaches.

Me: Where did they come from?
Her: A can?
Me: Who put them there?
Her: (confused pause, then weary “ohh,” then total reevaluation of her choice of life partner)

I hate when people misuse phrases that they’re only using to try and sound smart. Like “beg the question” or “run the gauntlet” (you throw down the gauntlet and run the gantlet). “Whom” when it is actually “who.”

Dude, either learn what words mean or stop trying to talk like Niles Crane.

Say its name three times?

Alternate second stanza:

You’d call out each room’s elephants.
Irreverent, not irrelevant.
You’d sing about the elements,
Periodically.
97 years is a nice long run.
Would it have killed you to last that final three?