Stevie 'knows 8 kata now' Mattos

she likes hyperpop

the worst part about having a shakespeare company as an artistic home is that when you're auditioning for the company production you spend a lot of time pleading for characters that you know don't make it to the final cut. JUSTICE FOR LE BEAU

one of my toxic traits is thinking that i can take a man even when i likely cannot bc their genitals are on the outside (tf i look like playing fair)

if you a man and i'm not fucking you don't talk to me today bc i WILL tell you to kys

MEN: posing is important. you want a woman to send you the same things women post under those videos of that glasses-wearing lawyer guy or the shirtless drummer who's focused his camera on his back? POSE, YOU DODDERING FOOL.

i had a cry, called my aunt, put on a face, and flirted with a borricutie. moving on

yes yes the holiday is stupid but the first valentine's alone after a breakup is Tough

i know i need to go in the house because i just got asked to fix something and i don't have the patience for it. the way i'm fighting the urge to just pack my shit up and go home

the way i only have the mental capacity to respond to internal body signals today

who's gonna tell them that the little red and green (or blue) lines underneath a word in the baked-in program dictionary/thesaurus doesn't recognize is that?

the equivalent of trying to sell me my own water actively coming out of my tap.

i'm losing too much blood for this shit today.

reading an email from the cio about shoving AI into our digital workspace and one of the sells was "checking for grammar" and uh who's gonna tell them

yes people who mensturate should get twelve extra days of pto a year bc why can't i just sit on the toilet all day and bleed make it make senseeee

get your butts checked lads and lassies

i was gonna make buldak with meatballs but i opened the pantry and the BUTTERED PRETZELS were right there. the dopamine-addled goblins struck again

me: hmmmm. i'm hungry? oh. i should eat lunch. (looks at prepped meal)
body: mmmmmm, no. what if. we had two slim jims and a fistful of pretzels
me:
me:
me: throw in a tangerine and i'll call it even
body: deal
me: deal

YESSSSSS

inside me are two wolves
six axolotls
three honeybadgers
and a real mean toucan

the unspoken requirement of riding public transit is that you have spacial awareness

if I have to knock your knee when you're sitting next to me on the train bc you're taking up too much space trust that i will attempt to hit you with my bag as I get up

not me drinking water and my caffeine jitters immediately subsiding s c a m

i have taken so many vitamins today i should theoretically be able to lift a horse carriage off of a child

It does really hit you that American artists of color continue to make these aesthetically incredible, thematically rich works of art and the white supremacists that rule this country are just complete dullards

a woman with red hair is drinking a beverage through a straw . Alt: a woman with red hair is drinking a beverage through a straw .

weeeeeellllllllllllll-

crazy that lin-manuel wasn't there

thank fuck. because what the fuckety hell was that game. if i owned this team i would be replacing that qb and coach because the helly

I want the Seahawks to win because the Patriots are a FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT

The Sermon on the Mount, by Beryl Lewis, before 1965, 📸 by @ScottStrazzante

hey male rideshare drivers: don't ask a woman passenger if she lives around where you picked her up from. do you want big tips on superbowl sunday or not???????????

every time either one of these teams fumbles a pass I just start singing DtMF very loudly as if I'm trying to summon the halftime show onto the field

Just explained my dating strategies to my mom as "catch-and-release"