James Brown

I've never been prime minister so I don't know - is it a good sign when journalists start directly asking you if you're about to be rolled? Asking for a friend*

*thumb-headed gormless pillock

It's not *even* an incentive, except that they know the average punter isn't paying attention. Paying us with our own coin and calling it a 'boost' as if to imply there will be extra funding, when in reality all they ever do is cut the measly govt contribution. Slimy bastards.

Ponsonby Rd celeb sighting - who tf would wear a red 'MAKE HLAH GREAT AGAIN' cap? Booga Beazley, obviously.

If anyone ever tries to give me 86g of trifle, they better be ready to run.

I haven't been following the news super closely, but is there something about Trump being a West Ham supporter?

You probably think the job of a lapel mic is to unobtrusively record sound. Nope! YouTubers know its true purpose is twofold:
1) It gives you something to do with your hands.
2) It shows the world how proud you are to have a fluffy little friend.

My wife and I walked past Rufus Sewell outside a hotel in Rome in 2010. Crappest celebrity sighting story ever? Perhaps, but it's all I've got.

Antivaxers are pretty hilarious. It's like if RFK announced that cancer was caused by werewolves (he might) and most of us were horrified because that's insane bullshit, but one small group were flipping out because he didn't say cancer is caused by vampires.

This is great. Do please watch it.

I got up for this, for the benefit of those who want to watch with captions on. Go the Ferns!

John Wyndham couldn't have written badly if he tried.

Easily the biggest protest crowd I have ever witnessed in Auckland. I look forward to the 6pm news tepidly describing it as 'hundreds gathered to denounce what some are calling a genocide'.

Damn, I left the game before I had a chance to ask Chris how he feels about having Big Ange as his new gaffer.

Does Aotearoa have the most (per capita) films about taking the kids and going bush (armed showdowns with police optional)?

Does anyone else have the unsettling feeling that one day soonish we're all going to realise, hey, the second US Civil War started, like, six months ago, but so incrementally that we didn't know to call it what it was?

I don't mind either, but I tend to lean towards the plural possessive, by comparison with 'shits and giggles'.

It looks (vaguely) like a chicken drumstick but tastes like what it is - low-quality vanilla ice cream coated in stale cornflakes. You wouldn't go back for a second one once your curiosity is satisfied.

Your apparent self-awareness implies (to me at least) that you are probably still doing OK. Go easy on yourself.

Everyone should watch 'Triple Threat' on Sky Open next Wednesday at 8.30. It's a great behind-the-scenes look at Jorja Miller, Maia Joseph and Katelyn Vaha'akolo. If it doesn't get you excited to see these three phenoms perform in the World Cup, talk to your GP about being dead inside.

The inquiry has devolved into the Weyland Yutani execs grilling Ripley about blowing up the Nostromo. David Seymour is Carter Burke, dreaming about how much COVID could have been worth to the bioweapons division.

Pain does not exist in this dojo, does it?

TBF, The Wire is much more entertaining than Police Ten 7.

So let me get this straight. We invite the FBI boss to Wellington to open an office. He then says he'll use it to spy on our top export buyer, China, who is then as pissed as. Then Trump HIKES our tariff to 15% from 10%, making us less competitive vs Australia's beef/wine exports to US - still 10%.🤷‍♂️

I knew it!

SURE he didn't. Sounds pretty sus to me. Can Dylan account for his whereabouts at the time? Didn't think so.

#TruthAtLast #JusticeForRichardIII

Changing the colour of British passports instantly solved all of their problems, right? Why shouldn't the same thing work just as well for us? 🤣

I'm a big believer in "living your life in a way that doesn't result in widespread celebration when you die"-amania.

Bridge is 100% convinced that he, a big strong man, could easily tackle Michaela Brake or knock out Lani Daniels.