Enforced public nudity and kidnapping your dog: what Keir Starmer's 'change' really means, by the Daily Mail KEIR Starmer is promising to deliver change without elaborating on the specifics. Here’s what it undoubtedly entails, according to the feverish mind of the Daily Mail.

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The correct etiquette when some bastard is sitting in your reserved train seat EVERYONE hates asking people to move out of your reserved seat. Luckily there is established etiquette for this challenging social situation. Follow these steps to the letter.

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Is it a curse if you're being a twat? Important questions about cursed TV and films THE curse of Strictly has claimed another victim, GoCompare man Wynne Evans. But are dark supernatural forces undeniably at work, or is there a simpler explanation?

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Seven hellish effects of moderate drinking this Christmas MODERATE drinking allows you to dodge hangovers and stops you making a twat of yourself. But at what cost?

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We ask you: is Britain f**king trying to lose Eurovision? AFTER a narrow escape with Sam Ryder, is the UK choosing our Eurovision entry so we fail and dodge the expense of hosting its humiliating spectacle?

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The skeletons in Gary Lineker's closet: My dark suspicions, by Matt Le Tissier buff.ly/eoKfeW8

Collecting your glass when there's still beer in it, and other annoying things pub staff do buff.ly/7JMmfiZ

'How I plan to be unbearable on my gap year' buff.ly/9ltjTQj

Man working late to avoid dinnertime with his children buff.ly/ZbTHFt3

Cat would fat-shame you if it could talk buff.ly/IL2dkki

BBC launches inquiry into what working-class people like www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-en...

Just buy whatever's cheapest, confirm wine experts BRITAIN’S wine connoisseurs have admitted that the best wine to choose is whatever is on offer at the supermarkets.

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Why can’t the left accept Prince Andrew is allowed to have sex with whoever he wants at any time? buff.ly/ydIucQD

The Archbishop of Canterbury on… maybe learn to wear a pair of jeans properly before becoming an MP, Jezza? buff.ly/EoIfoI7

Man destroys sexy mood by saying he’s horny buff.ly/rJNQasD

How to go to your grave without doing anal, by the Mash sex columnist DON’T fancy it? Not sure why his junk feels entitled to demand yet another hole? If you’d rather let the other orifices do the heavy lifting, use these dodges.

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Woman conclusive winner of open relationship buff.ly/XPmFeKs

Jarvis Cocker, and other frontmen who speak lyrics because they can't really sing buff.ly/qL4bXPo

How to cope now that you're rooting for that bellend Cummings FOUND yourself rooting for that bastard Cummings now that he’s putting the boot into Johnson? Come to terms with this development.

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Vermouth and Vimto: Five cocktails to make when you’re hammered and you’ve drunk all the good stuff buff.ly/pgakwq6

Old men in pub do not need words to express their love buff.ly/hRgkjI3

How turning 50 will sneak up on you like a bastard buff.ly/BWYPAA7

Are you an old-school hard-left tosser? ARE you the sort of left-winger who’s stuck in a 1970s timewarp of revolutionary rhetoric and an obsession with Israel? Take our quiz and find out.

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Mid-30s woman with no partner or kids unsure whether she's a total failure or f**king smashing it buff.ly/y9UAtAh

Toddler blissfully unaware he is called Roderick buff.ly/6xdsfPi

The 6Music dad’s guide to pretending you’ve heard all the Mercury nominations buff.ly/Q4VoKx9

Vets, hairdressers, and other bastards who only tell you the price when it’s too late buff.ly/EC9a1sq

Single decent show feeling the pressure to justify streaming subscription buff.ly/4jHV8mu

Once I can get personalised AI erotica, how am I ever expected to leave the house? buff.ly/L7kulcp

How to get ripped without giving up booze: Pete Hegseth’s high-alcohol workout buff.ly/s7AF9D9