Karen Turpin

For all the doubters, how are these not the same?

Rev. Mariann Edgar Budde to Trump: "I ask you to have mercy upon the people in our country who are scared now. There are gay, lesbian, and transgender people in Democratic, Republican, and independent families, some who fear for their lives ... and the vast majority of immigrants are not criminals"

😆

1/ So, where were we? Oh yep, #duvetknowitschristmas. Firstly, some admin: Twitter/X has evidently been run into the ground by a preening, self-radicalised clot, so while there's a slim possibility that this annual celebration might be thriving over there, I won't know cos I won't be looking.

Just spent 45 minutes playing hide and seek at Hopwood Park services. That's 2 adults and a 16 year old. Best time I've ever had in a services. Apologies to anyone weirded out by us crouching down in odd places.

If you tell a woman you like her dress, it’s highly likely you’ll get at least one of these responses:

(If it has pockets)
“Thanks. It has pockets!” [shows you the pockets]

“It only cost a fiver! Bargain!”

“This old thing! It’s not nice. I look like a potato. I’m going to burn it.”

This headline still makes me chuckle.
The wording in brackets is still the best part though.

With Heidi Alexander replacing Louise Haigh as transport secretary, the cabinet is now 100% state school educated for the first time in history.

(Sir Keir Starmer's school was a selective state school when he joined, then became private two years into his time there.)

Good to see Farridge is concerned about his uterus. If he doesn't want an abortion, he doesn't have to have one.

Just a reminder for anyone out shopping for me today…I do not want ANY birds for Christmas this year. I don’t care if you can get 2 turtle doves for the price of 1 or if there’s a 4AM door-buster deal on French hens. Zero birds. None birds.

How to spot a fake Casio fx-991EX:

1. Genuine calculator has a 'boxier' font on the module number.
2. Fakes have a grey-ish font on number keys.
3. Fakes have silver screws on rear, real have black screws.
4. Fakes mis-spell Poisson as Posson under 'Distributions'

Wonderful creativity from the kids at Christmas! 🎄

Just cutting an article out of Kerrang! with some rock paper scissors.

[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?

lady of sophistication @janky_jane Props to anyone who tries to be fashionable in ireland i wore a red beret once in waterford and someone called me super mario Andrew Beatty V @AndrewBeatty Replying to @janky_jane I once ordered a taxi in Belfast for a night out. The driver pulls up to my house and just says "yer not going out like that. Go back in and change, I'll turn off the metre." | swear I was wearing normal jeans and a normal jacket.

Matthew @MrWeir Replying to @janky jane I once wore a silver jacket to college, turned up late for class, said 'sorry I'm late', lecturer said, 'that's ok' then waited til I was halfway across the front of the full class before following up with 'trouble with the spaceship again was it?'. Replying to @janky _jane My sister was in France sporting a new trench coat, thought was so stylish, but went into an Irish bar and got called Inspector Gadget by the first guy that saw her 15:53 • 8/16/21 • Twitter Web App

was wearing my super-fashionable short trench coat. My friend took one look at me wearing the jacket and said, "Where are we off to now. Columbo?" Eoin O Neill @eoinjoneill Replying to @janky_jane Was wearing a vintage nike jacket in a very long que for drinks at a boxing match when a Belfast lad goes "furk me this is taking forever, your man has been here since the 80's"

Loic Wright @dufflest Replying to @janky jane I wore a suit with a matching tie and pocket square to my first day of work at an advertising company (I thought I was going to be in Mad Men I guess) and the staff sent around and signed a communion card for me with a fiver in it. Eóin O Coileáin @L20_MTN Replying to @janky_jane I wore a white, wool turtle-neck jumper to the match once and a fella in the pub said 'Where have you parked the U-boat?'.

nobody does more brutal fashion reviews than the irish

Sad story in The Times about 88 year old farmer, John Kemp-Welch, who works 5,000 acres of difficult hill farming land in Scotland.
Fortunately, he somehow found time to be Chair of the London Stock Exchange, a stockbroker for 30 years and on the board of HSBC.

To be fair she does look like a chicken.

I was once in a band called Homeopathy. We were like Placebo, but charged more.

Fabulous moment teaching Y8 today. A student saw me pouring tea from my teapot (with a PAFC tea cosy 💚) and asked why I had a kettle on my desk. I told them it was a teapot, to which they replied "Why is it wearing clothes?" 🤣

Some man felt the need to DM me and call me beautiful. I expect he'll be shocked that I'm not thrilled by this.

Damnit! I thought this place was better than that!

💚Green Army!

We did this one! Baker Street! Well done guys!

This feels odd. The pressure to write something hilarious or profound is real. I have nothing apart from a wave and an uncertain "Hello?"