Paul @ Define Normal

So glad I don't work that way. Gym bros are embarrassing.

Interested here 😊

it's ok to be just ok - with a neutral face image

There's a lot of pressure to always be happy, so if we're just 'ok' it's often wrongly assumed that we're not, or that we're masking something and we should talk about it to 'fix' it and be 'happy again'. Unfortunately being happy all the time is unrealistic and a lot of the time most of us are just ok. Moods will always fluctuate over days weeks, months and even years depending on what's happening in our lives. This is also ok. While it is good to talk about our problems, there is a right time and place to do so, and the right people to do that with. That could be a friend, family member or a trained therapist. It can be very invalidating and dysregulating to attempt to push someone to talk if they're actually ok, if they're not ready, or if you're not their chosen safe person to share with.

Talking about our problems is a good way to work through them, but putting pressure on people to talk isn't the way to do it, especially if we're not ready. Here's a few guidelines. Read the room. Not everyone needs to or wants to talk. It's ok to offer, but if they don't want to then that's it. Respect their wishes and change the subject. Don't take it personally. They might not feel safe opening up to you, so putting pressure on could damage the association with them. They may just be 'ok'. Just because we're not smiling and laughing doesnt always mean we're sad and need 'cheering up'. Forcing a mood change can have the opposite effect & we risk losing friends or clients this way.

Someone asked me how I was doing the other day and when I answered "I'm ok" he said "Hmmm, not sure I believe that".

It made me feel really uncomfortable and invalidated, especially as I was actually ok.

Better for him to say "You sure?" instead of his actual reply. It was annoying.

I really love being able to spot my people in the gym.

Little unmasked behaviour patterns that I've started to recognise as 'probably neurodivergent' to 'definitely neurodivergent'. Far more noticeable since I self diagnosed.

It pleases me to see ND folks all doing our fitness thing.

#autistic

2 Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria ...& how to manage RSD when it hits As well as actual rejection, perceived rejection can be just as damaging. In fact it can sometimes feel worse because it's more imagined so there are fewer limits to what our brain could conjure up. This can be caused by a non-returned phone call, seemingly being ignored when the other person hasn't actually heard or seen us, or a friend or family member being late or absent. The other party could be innocent but the perceived feeling of rejection can be so strong it can cause a mental spiral that can damage friendships or relationships due to a simple misunderstanding, or just avoidance in order to protect ourselves in the future. Clear communication is a helpful solution to this, but it can still be painful.

Also an additional slide for perceived rejection...

What is RSD?

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD, is something I've struggled with all my life as an AuDHDer, even before I knew what it was or that it had a name. It manifests, often physically feeling like a gut punch or a tightness in the chest as well as being severely mentally distressing, as a crippling sense of rejection or just 'perceived' rejection that affects many people with ADHD & other similar neurotypes. It can be caused by actual rejection from someone who could be a friend, family or just a random stranger, via a misunderstanding or argument, abuse and/or criticism even when it's constructive. To the affected person it can feel devastating & can cause severe anxiety. panic, overwhelm, meltdown or depression.

RSD is difficult if not impossible to get rid of completely, but better coping strategies can be learned in order to manage the effects of RSD and reduce the overwhelm and prevent spiraling. • Positive affirmations and compassionate self talk can be used to remind us of our worth and can help us feel better. • Mindfulness and self awareness can help to 'ground' us and prevent or just slow down a negative mental spiral. • If we're supporting someone else who is suffering an RSD episode it can help to be empathetic and remind them that they are valued and have worth as a person.

Increasing self knowledge about our personal behaviour patterns can help to make us more aware of what our emotional triggers might be. This can help us to better avoid situations that could cause RSD, or if the situation can't be avoided we could learn to manage the environment better and spot any early warning signs before we are overwhelmed. Journaling and writing down our experiences, thoughts and feelings can help us to process and spot patterns that could help us manage better in the future. Also exploring our emotional needs with our friends and loved ones and communicating our emotional sensitivities can help them to respond with care and empathy.

What is RSD? #rsd #adhd #audhd #autistic #neurodivergent

You wouldn't give your best mate a hard time if they forgot to eat/drink or had a late night, so don't do it to yourself either. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to be flawed and human. 😊💜

I have alarms set and routines in place to make sure I remember, but I still forget sometimes and have to be reminded. None of us are perfect and it's always ok to ask for help or some kind of accountability, and we're not failing if we do that.

It's nice to get feedback & I really appreciate it when I get people saying it helps them to stay on top of the daily jobs that many of us forget to do at times. I also often forget to drink until my body just feels 'off' & I have to narrow down everything I've done in the day to figure out why.

Practicing wellness on a Wednesday

I hope it's been a good start to Wednesday.

Wellness can be both mental & physical. Whether it's listening to you talk about your life & what's going on that's making you happy or causing stress, to reminding you to drink water regularly & be mindful of your food choices & get enough sleep.

Socials check in. How ya doin?

How's everyone? How's your day gone? What's on your mind? Good, not so good? Share your thoughts. It's good to talk. 😊💜

Thank you 😊

Cute 😁

Ooo thank you. I also train people online if that's an option. 😊

Yaaaaay, I'm happy that you like it. 😊

Rainbow coloured infinity symbol that says Define Normal

This is the logo for my PT business. How's that for you? 😊

Here's a few exercises to keep them strong too.

Strong glutes are a great 'ass'et. Do your squats and lunges. 😁🍑

Thank you. Back to you. 😊💜

All these things can help us live a better a less stressful and all round healthier life if we can get into the habit of being in the moment for a few seconds rather than just reacting without thought.

Have a go at this today. Put an amber light between the red and green. Have a great day folks. 💜

What's happening around you right now? What can you hear, feel, taste, see or smell?

If something happens that makes you angry or upset can you take a second just to think about it before reacting?

Did you eat breakfast? What did you have and how did it make you feel? Are there better choices for next time?

Are you thirsty and do you need more water? Could you carry a bottle with you?

Are you tired? Did you sleep enough and what could you put in place to improve things tonight?

Being more mindful on a Monday

Hi everyone, it's a mindful Monday. Mindfulness is being more aware of how we're feeling, what we're doing & how we react in the moment.

Have a think about how you're feeling today.

What's your mood today? Check in with yourself and rate it 1-10. What would improve it & can you make changes?

Mental health and exercise coaching is about allowing us to talk & feel a little better while we become stronger & improve our health.

This type of training promotes a holistic approach to health& fitness, focusing on our physical & mental health together.

ND aware. DM if interested. 😊💜

I'm ok thanks. Just crying at the end of Free Guy. 🤦🏻‍♂️😂😭

Beautiful 🥰🥰🥰

Genius child! Protect it.

😂😂😂

Are you ok lovely?

You have all the best swears.