Harrison Tweed

Standup comedian in their mid 20s: “I need to post more clips”
Standup comedian in their 30s: “you shouldn’t be posting if your clip is of your joke not working well”
Standup comedian in their 20s: “I will put a mic and mic stand in my room, do standup, record it and add crowd laughter in post.”

27.02.2025 21:36 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

All I Think You Should Leave and Detroiters fans should be geeked that the Pistons are good again. We have an opportunity for Tim and Sam to be the Jack Nicholson and Flea of Bad Boys 3.0

27.02.2025 17:53 — 👍 2    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

Benson Boone is just The Fray with more flips

26.02.2025 14:32 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

The ultra wealthy will do criminally immoral things and chalk it up to “being smart” or “winning”. We gotta start doing that when people start committing crimes against them.

“Maybe if the CEO of United had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and dodged the bullets he would be alive.”

26.02.2025 14:20 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

I love how Jimmy Butler is like a combination of Boris Diaw and Michael Jordan. He might get you a really important 12 7 and 4 as a glue guy or drop 50+ while screaming “I FUCKING OWN YOU” at the best defender in the nba.

25.02.2025 20:00 — 👍 3    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 1

To sum up the difference between their fans Drake should release a response video Chalamet rapping every verse of K dot tracks with video of he and Glen Powell sitting on a couch and and Drake rapping every lyric of The Motto while Glen Powell nods supportively saying things like “wow!” and “man!”

25.02.2025 05:58 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

Watched Dallas Buyer’s Club recently. Man this cast was putting on a cheekbones CLINIC!

24.02.2025 21:00 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

The Eagles aren’t going to the DC but Eagles fanbase had a great time at the Capitol awhile back

24.02.2025 20:16 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

Me showing my daughter scattered, rotting celery and molding broccoli stalks on the floor of our living room after Trump privatizes all national parks in 2032:
“Isn’t hiking so fun!”

24.02.2025 13:19 — 👍 1    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

New format for the all-star game should be:
- before preseason
- no fan voting
- the teams are made up of 1st 2nd and 3rd team all nba players with all defensive team and all rookie team filling gaps (I don’t care how it’s divided up)
- regular game format.

17.02.2025 16:05 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

She’s so rad.

23.01.2025 13:39 — 👍 2    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

RFK Jr heard his dad was killed in a kitchen and was like “it was the ingredients”

23.01.2025 12:44 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

Strap the rocket to her back and get out of her way.

22.01.2025 19:58 — 👍 7310    🔁 999    💬 147    📌 35

Harrison Tweed's Substack | Harrison Tweed (A Comedian) | Substack A comedian's journal. It's not brilliant. I think dumb things. Click to read Harrison Tweed's Substack, by Harrison Tweed (A Comedian), a Substack publication. Launched 2 years ago.

Hey I’m brand new to this app. I have a Substack that’s kinda like a journal of my time as a standup comedian. If that’s something you’d find interesting subscribe to it for free (there’s no content you have to pay for at this time) harrisontweedacomedian.substack.com

22.01.2025 21:30 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

22.01.2025 15:44 — 👍 130667    🔁 31898    💬 1804    📌 2080