Hae Ji Cho

Me acting like an absolute dog when my female and queer besties post nice selfies: “THE VIEW IS CRAAAZYYY 🥵🔥🔥🔥 YOU’RE GONNA HURT SOMEONE PACKIN’ LIKE THAT, MUSE ❤️‍🔥”

Me when a straight male friend posts a selfie: “must have showered today”

thinking about the time when I was getting scolded as a kid and my mom said she'd leave me in the woods if I lied. My city girl ass stopped crying and turned to look at her like, "We live in a metropolis. You don't know any woods."

I have the spirit of someone who wants to sing all the lyrics to a song but the memory of someone who can barely remember the first name of a recurring character in my life who I haven’t talked to in two days

Usually I will read my Co-Star and be like, “You know… that’s not NOT deep.” But sometimes I will read it and be like, “Wtf is going on with this app”

I wouldn’t ask just anyone for business advice but I have not once looked at a dog gobbling up a puppucino and not thought, “Why is that dog better than me?”

If you are from a country with a film nominated for an Oscar, you know winning one is a collective national activity. CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL BRAZILIANS
#imstillhere #aindaestouaqui

why did they sing “Emilia” for 45 minutes

I never know whether to open up the photos linked on erotica. There’s a chance that they’ll be really hot but there’s also a chance that they’ll be just as disappointing as those photos in the end credits of a biopic of the real, much uglier people who inspired it.

RIGHT. I also already don’t like it when kids do it but when an adult does it?? Omg anger

Some moms gotta learn their lessons the hard way

I get so irrationally angry when someone tries to tickle me. Stop trying to invade my joy vault by force, you unfunny mfer

RIGHT. Why shouldn’t we have it all?

His effort was in vain the more he talked 😔

Hahaha that face

I’m sure your mom has her gems too 😎 it genuinely makes me angry that some people will never know how funny my mom is because they don’t speak Portuguese (she grew up in Brazil)

My mom to my brother getting a call from his girlfriend: “This is family night. Tell her to put a fan on that coochie and go to sleep.”

I once wrote a short story and knew I did a good job with my protagonist because a classmate hated her guts. The character had my personality. That classmate and I did not like each other.

Kendrick Lamar's Superbowl performance is why funding arts and humanities matters. We have Kendrick because his teacher introduced him to poetry and writing.

A man who you’ve known since birth running into you on the street alone: “This is Mr. Lee.”
Me: “Yes, hi!”
Him: “Lex’s dad.”
Me: “Yes.”
Him: “And Jenny’s dad.”
Me: “No, yeah. I got it”
Him: “Your dad’s frie-“

If a friend lost an arm on our way to getting fried chicken and we had to rush to the hospital, I’d wait a total of 6 minutes before going, “Hey, you know what would brighten up this day?”

that little song and dance as a woman taking a late night taxi/Uber in which you paint a whole picture of all the people who would avenge you if you were to get sex trafficked 💅🏻

Do you ever meet someone who you feel like you’ve known forever? Like you meet them and you just know deep in your heart that they’ve pissed you off in at least ten lifetimes?

I guess having a floor TV and a wall TV and a bathroom TV and an outdoor TV and a garden shed TV and just-in-case TV was kind of overkill

😂

“What part of his body am I eating now? ;)”
Priest: “stop that”

That shit’s palpable for sure

Lmfao have my cake… and eat it too? c:

SICKKKK

They are the best in the business, after all

This sounds like an amazing story. GREAT chapter for one’s autobiography