ghosts are always hungry

i think most white americans who have never been Policed don’t realize that you are always already a criminal.

the second anyone with institutional power believes you to be, needs you to be, or wants you to be a criminal you are and always have been.

I will always hold it against the fake money people that they appropriated “crypto” from cool things like your Sasquatches and Mothmans. They should have called their dumb shit something like Goofbux

Sure would be spectacular if someone did it today.

And don't limit yourself.

This is a buffet, not a snack.

Imagine what RFK would say if it WASN'T Autism Acceptance Month.

Can *anyone* take enough Zyrtec to get laid?

Seems like they should use that in their marketing.

The US Government is doing the plot of Major League (see also: Ted Lasso S1).

Except the lovable losers they've chosen to tank the season are monstrous, vicious, cruel, inhuman caricatures of villainy and excess with unchecked power.

And instead of maybe winning the big game, all the humans die.

Just signed up. Let's do the thing.

The original opening line of Billy Joel's "Scenes From An Italian Restaurant"

Is this what rural people call paté?

I know where to get some and how much it is.

Also the ingredients.

Sean, I'm warning you; if you're going to start posting Billy Joel content, I'm going to stop dunking on you and start being kind.

Moo DANG!

[youth pastor voice] you know who else fell and rose dramatically in the span of three business days?

"We need to encourage people to have kids"

"If you get married and pregnant you become an unperson who can't vote or make decisions about your body – which is subordinate to the state your husband and and your biological role to die on the cross of fertility subject to the whims of God and sepsis."

(fungi for scale)

Who could’ve ever foresaw except all the people who did and got arrested for doing so

Making it tougher to romanticize nonviolent gentleman bank robbers and their victimless crimes.

Marking days on the calendar, just waiting for my two decade anniversary...

okay now that you all have gotten a taste of America's rational and predictable new trade policy, everyone who wants to build your new factories here just form an orderly line

Holy shit, is Nathan short for Jonathan?

...Jonathaniel

"So, a spreadsheet is a form without any skin."

- Me, trying to explain something to a coworker to make it less intimidating

It’s simple: it’s anti-Black racism.

Do it again today! Great job!

I'm not happy, I'm just resting my cries.

Between ads for Becoming David and season 3 of Reacher, Amazon is cornering the "put giants on TV" market.

So, when there are no cops around creating violence at protests, violence at protests doesn't occur...weird.

Please don't do things that would retroactively alter the lyrics of We Didn't Start the Fire.

Lip syncing it with my best friend at the 5th grade talent show after getting the album from Santa that Xmas is my fondest memory of my young life.

High-in-IKEAtown
Population: this guy!

well, actually, schrödinger is the name of the doctor not the meownster.

Not a metaphorical waking up or napping, but an actual one. To be clear.