InfiniSteve

I wonder what it costs Amazon to ship this can of tomatoes to me, and then ship it back if I change my mind. a.co/d/2RE5zqe

Sure, you could cancel Amazon Prime, or you could order the cheapest thing you can find and then return it. Over and over and over.

I know Severance is supposed to be dystopian, but I've never worked anywhere that had waffle parties.

Cancel Amazon Prime.

So would we get proper Kinder Eggs?

So, invading Greenland will make eggs cheaper?

We need more Jimmy Carters, but we didn't deserve the one we had.

We need more Jimmy Carters

Linus sure is churchy for someone who made up his own minor pagan deity.

Happy Life Day, nerds.

Healthcare is already socialized in a way--you pay into a fund that's shared across members. Medicare for all would just eliminate the profit motive.

Guy Gardner is ok, I guess, but Mogo would have been so much cooler

Fuck yeah it's got Krypto

My Yule log has corn in it

Kinda hoped the drones would have started attacking by now

Maybe we say the mystery drones made some vague threat against a CEO

Imagine the response if the mystery drones vaguely threatened a CEO

Jinkies

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only super hot person not on onlyfans. So, who wants to pay me for feet pics?

Might start a new X account just so I can leave it again

Can we just jump ahead to Ilsa: She Wolf of the Second Trump Administration?

I sense a theme

I'm so progressive I even have a gender-neutral bathroom at home

I really thought my onlyfans would have blown up by now.

The next pandemic is gonna be crazy

I didn't realize Clubber hit Rocky in the head so hard.

And when did he box Mallory?

Whether it's Tim Walz expanding his state's school lunch program or Matt Gaetz giving cocaine and Ecstasy to underage sex workers, both sides have taken controversial approaches to feeding children.

I am aware of all internet traditions

The Onion bought InfoWars at auction?

That sounds about right.

I should have archived all my twitter jokes so I could repost them here