Jimmy Kimmel’s ratings bonanza continues | CNN Business Newfound enthusiasm about the ABC late-night show host is not evaporating after just one monologue.

💰💰💰 Trump would hate if you reposted that Jimmy Kimmel’s ratings bonanza continues!!!

Your porn star name is your first name plus your last name. Slut.

Yes, I'm ogling you. It's kind of my thing.

If I love you I will absolutely take a bullet for you. Also, I'm 100% the reason we're being shot at.

Just saying choose wisely.

used my great grandmother's recipe for boiling water this morning. follow me for more cooking tips.

Update: moved something with my mind finally, but it was just my arm. a bittersweet victory for my developing mind powers.

I am asking the universe as nicely as I can to please have something happen here.

Day 928923423, still dont have the abs I want. God. Dammit.

Really cute lady cop gave me her number today. Sure it was only 3 digits and she said it was only for emergencies, but I can read between the lines here.

Gracie says Merry Christmas

Even at Christmas no one on this train is polite enough to give up their seat for someone who is pregnant, so I now I'm forced to stand here with my sweatshirt balled up in the front of my jacket.

Given my tendency to overthink, it would be reasonable to expect my decisions to be better.

There is no way Dutch is a real language

I would rather slam my dick in a sliding glass door than write a fucking cover letter. Why does this job need a love note along with my resume?

Yes

ty, I get that a lot

Sunshine and Gracie

It is critical that I inspire my friends and family to be independent and mentally strong, because I won't be around forever. Especially if I win the lottery.

Went to a swinger party last night and it was just a bunch of naked people who wouldn't even give me a push.

Naming it the nervous system really works on just about every level.

I put a bar of soap on my head in the shower and just stand there. I call it trickle down washonomics.

All women claim to want a fairy tale romance till one of my Ex's show up and curses their vagina.

My love language is biting.

The announced head of the FBI is a nutjob who goes on every right wing conspiracy podcast talking about how he's going to go after Hunter.

This isn't rocket science. Id do the exact same thing.

Hold off the DMs and meet me at home Depot. I have a idea.

Massive away win for the little fella.

We should all be grateful that immigrants stopped eating house pets in Ohio the second the debate was over.

Sure, I give off the impression I have my shit together and everything is under control - but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is slowly sliding off my foot.

I'm confused when a woman tells me she just got waxed but I can still clearly see her moustache.

I pretend to roll pretty hard when I'm driving for a guy with the seat warmer on to help with lower back pain.