whatbryan

Every photo from Minneapolis looks like this. Cops decked out with guns and full tac gear facing off against people in bathrobes, parkas, and sweatpants armed only with whistles and cell phones.

Yet every verified MAGA chode on X dutifully calls it a riot or violent insurrection.

Kid in a hat and backpack, maybe 5, getting detained

This picture making the rounds on reddit, Columbia Heights. I'm not OK.

A five-year-old boy seized on his way home in Minnesota and now locked up in Texas. His family didn't know where he was for 24 hours.

Several agents hold a person down and sprays them with pepper spray.

An observer arrested in Suth Minneapolis. Photo by Richard Tsong-Taatarii/The Minnesota Star Tribune

guys minneapolis is a living hell today. they've tear-gassed so many people, tear-gassed a park, beaten people up in front of me. greg bovino is rolling around to gas stations and posing in front of them, trying to cause a riot.

a southern orgy porn called MEAT AND THREE

if mike judge married judge reinhold his name would be mike reinhold

*scribbling into notebook* Cornbread, yes, banana bread, carrot cake, uh huh, zucchini bread, potato bread, yes yes, blueberry muffin, keep going you're almost there, sweet potato pie, tomato focaccia, pumpkin cheesecake, YES OF COURSE! THE EVERYTHING BAGEL! MR. HAWKING COME QUICK!

Scatter my ashes at dick shooter creek

Characters for my new play about a thief who steals from the fridge and gives to the poor:

- Robin Hood Vent
- Kettle John
- Air Fryer Tuck
- KitchenAid Marian
- Sheriff of Nottinghamdrawer

Some nights I find it hard to get to sleep, but it isn't because I'm worried or anxious, it's because my eyes are always open... to new possibilities. Hello and welcome to How to Win Friends and Influence People: The Musical

If you asked me who had the best drum sound of all time, I might say John Bonham. And if you asked me who had the worst, I'd have to say Pat "Jello with Wet Bread" Flompstein.

THIS WEEKEND there are two priceless Labubus hidden in a pitch black high school gymnasium but one is filled with bullet ants. Do you scrounge down the easy road or take the path of pain?

I can't find my Limited Edition Tom Bosley Signature Collection Uranium Glass Harmonica I hope it's okay
*glass breaking sound*
I hope that wasn't my Limited Edition Tom Bosley Signature Collection Uranium Glass Harmonica

For his next act Timothée Chalamet MUST play Dwight Yoakum I INSIST no one else could pour themselves into those hallowed jeans

I never thought I'd lose my job to a computer, especially since I'm the world's greatest computer insult comic.

Carson Daly I'm coming for your job 🫵 So where do you work now? Oh really oh sick nice man.

You can ask me how my day was, but know that if you do, you'll never recover. Because I live every day like it's my last. And on my last day I was crushed by a rhino butt.

Ask your kids what a simp is today please

You think the guy who played the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz used Tinactin so his performance wouldn't feel so stiff?

In these times I will suffer no succotash

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS

They FIRED the LORAX everyone WEAR ORANGE tomorrow 03/07!!!

Y'all I forgot what "whence" means I don't know where or when or who to do

If they don't let us vape in the airport soon then democracy is done for

Circus owners: If you can do a bunch of front flips call me I have a job for you. Must be weird, too.

Mix flour and water and you get a glue-like substance. Mix flower and someone's daughter and you get two people stuck like glue. Happy Valentine's baby, the sincerity curse will wear off soon!

One day there will be a tool that will turn all of my creative desires into pure stress so that we can skip the middleman of time and joy and get straight to the moneyfunnel

Put your soup in a Shamwow and squeeze it out while you're on the go today

I'll only watch the Super Bowl if they LET THEM PLAY! Injuries are part of the GAME! Larry CSONKA could remove a tight end's right leg and then SHAKE HIS HAND over a beer like a gentleMAN