Slippery Steve

All mice are modest. You are not special. I've yet to meet a braggadocious mouse.

I prefer to think of the song WAP as being about the weak anthropic principle.

Neither a bucket nor a mop could exist without a universe in which buckets and mops can exist.

if i could ask god one question it would be, "hot enough for ya"

Pronouns are melting the brains of guys my age.

Another little clip from my new special Positive Reinforcement (premiering 6/27 at 8pm) for you to enjoy! Share this with a grammar or sports enthusiast in your life and watch the whole special when it’s out in the world!

Anyways Canelo is gonna cook Bud in like 4 rounds max I'm sorry but your first fight at 168 can't be against Alvarez, that so insane lmao I love boxing

I love that boxing is doing the whole "Sportswashing" thing w Riyadh Season cuz I've never felt more justified streaming PPVs illegally lmao

Siakim could get stabbed on his way to the rim, no call tho

map of north america with canada and us reversed

ATTENTION IRAN: when you go to nuke us I made a handy map to make sure you hit the right place. You’re welcome.

Nev: And you say that you really did feel love for Jaden?

Catfished Lady: Yes

Nev: And was that reciprocated on your end?

The immortal and inscrutable Wendigo, master of deception: if I'm being honest, I loved her like a sister

Need that Nev x Louis Theroux ASAP

Hire that guy Nev from catfish to do real documentaries he has such a strong nose for the camera

bluesky is dying? do we apologize to jeremy renner? was his app simply ahead of its time?

guy interviewing george foreman: please explain this gap in ur resume
george foreman: ahh, i was just grillin

2 ad execs sitting around a massive pile of cocaine at Oscar Meyer headquarters in the late 80's:

Guy 1: Yo, you know how *snort* you know how like we all secretly want to be -

Guy 2: FUCKIN HOT DOGS YES MAN IM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU

dude this party is such an echo chamber. it's just friends hanging out and chilling and having a good time. you need to invite some people over who want to kill you with hammers

Not sure how I'm supposed to sleep tonight knowing that Shohei is adding an 8th pitch to his arsenal

hello 👋 professional writer here. it's fine to use "your" and "you're" interchangeably. most readers will understand what you're trying to say either way, and you shouldn't have to placate people who won't read between the lines

there's a small subset of people here who are driven mad whenever they aren't allowed to quote or reply to something. they think everything they see on their phone is their property and they just short-circuit. they'll bust through the floorboards to yell at you. it's really something to see

Blessed to live in an age where I can quickly get the answer to the question "were any of the California raisins women?"

Stop giving Nathan Fielder money Jesus Christ this man's a terrorist

Will never forget my friend in high school who convinced his small sister she was adopted by telling her that the legal form to fill out for adoption is called a "C Section" and calling their mom to confirm that she was "a C-section baby"

Never listened past "as a parent" as a sentence in my life

although atheists do not believe in the resurrection of jesus christ, surveys show that 90% of atheists do believe that the easter bunny is a real rabbit who distributes eggs and candy to children. you might not agree with them but please remember that everyone’s beliefs should be respected

Quietly wondering if Jesus played sports and if he had a beast mode.

Father in law bragging about being recruited for the Rhodesian Army lord help me I'm half cut and we're talking white ethno-states? Happy Easter

You don't vote NDP you're probably fuckin stupid rn idk

Super timely here but I just saw Split (2016) and it fuckin' sucks