Sooz

I love that happiness is so elusive, but you can find disappointment absolutely anywhere.

Not sure if people know this but we are going to die of climate change and fascism if we don’t get it together like it’s not a joke it’s real and the only way through is socialism

Too young for a reverse mortgage, too old for a treehouse.

💙🤍🩵

I had the most relaxing, silly day today. Even the bags under my eyes look smaller! I celebrated with pieces of cake. One for every Wilson Phillips, because I’m holding on for one more day.

All I’m saying is my vibrator has never gotten shitty with me over the replies I receive online

Guys let’s wash our faces and go to bed

Sorry for bothering you with my unconditional love bro

Pretty sure that the way shit is going, the next time Mercury goes into retrograde, Uranus is gonna go into prolapse.

Had a long day so I’m living my life like a cryptid, as a little treat.

It’s on back order 😂

“His eager arms rap around my stormy bosom. I could feel his bathing suit area twinge against my panty hamster.”

Sexy in the sheets AND the skeets.

Just a reminder that it’s okay to be your genuine self. 🩵

Headline: Seal breaks into new Zealand home, traumatises cat and hangs out on couch

He never really got over the break up with Heidi Klum did he?

Have you tried being brokenhearted about the world about it?

a zombie apocalypse is just high stakes nes duck hunt

Hey, if you love someone go tell them, please. Right now. It won’t take long. Just send them a DM or a text or just do it on main. Whatever it is, just go do it. People need to know how much you love them.

she was the Cheech to my Chong

Small dog with white and tan markings making a smile that looks as if saying You’re wearing that to the Armageddon

so..
you’re wearing that for the armageddon?

I’m baking a Funfetti cake on Saturday and I’m gonna eat the whole fucking thing. Like a whorish Betty Crocker.

this is now a desserts appreciation account
in other words, we’re checking out cake

“Tell me something you *never* told anyone before.”

Me: “Ok. That’s a really annoying fucking request.”

(1-800-Flowers grabbing crotch like Sipowicz) Get your joyful fall birthday gifts right here

I’m going to eat leftover meatloaf and scalloped potatoes for breakfast and no one can stop me.

I know

a yellow ball with a face and the words no i am not okay Alt: a grapefruit with a face and the words "no, I am not okay"

I'm going to need a group of scientists to breed a yellow cervid so we can call it a pample moose.

It's for everyone's mental health.

Canadians don't feel safe going to America. War criminals on the other hand..

I'm sorry to hear Jane Goodall passed away (again)
I swear people are dying more than once in this fucked up timeline I've found myself in.

PHOTO OF THE DAY - TOM PETTY CARICATURE 💜

By Paul King Art Werks

Hold on I’m gonna think of something funny 🤔