A fabricated statement from Nintendo of America's Twitter account addressing a fictitious scenario in which the Earth's oxygen supply is presumed to be depleting at a rapid pace, leaving humanity with mere days to live. "This is Miyamoto. On behalf of everyone who is employed at Nintendo Co. LTD and its subsidiaries, we deeply mourn the countless human lives which will be lost due to the depletion of the global oxygen supply. To anyone who has ever played one of our games, we are eternally grateful to have created long-lasting fun and memories for you. To ease the suffering of families and children across the world, the Mario Kart World game for the Nintendo Switch 2 system will be available as a free download on Nintendo eShop for the foreseeable future. We hope this small gesture of kindness will ease the pain as humanity prepares for a worst-case scenario." The statement is distastefully plastered with logos for Nintendo and Nintendo Switch 2, as well as with a render of Mario from Mario Kart World.

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. John Default Profile Picture: "No one read this statement and thought it was distasteful? Why did Miyamoto think this would help anyone?" NintenDeen: "Simple: Nintendo is so depraved that they'd exploit a global crisis to boost the player count of the failed Mario Kart World and force consumers back into the Switch 2 ecosystem to boost sales and player numbers."

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. PlayStation Nation: "What the fuck are you doing falsely advertising sales during these trying times? I went to the website and Mario Kart World is still selling for $80 USD." Kremling Kevin: "If you actually read the statement, it clearly says the discount is available on Nintendo eShop. Meaning the application on the Switch 2 itself, not the web browser version." PlayStation Nation: "Point still stands."

A fabricated Tweet responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. Isaboner: "Nothing for Switch 1 owners?"

Had a dream that there was global panic about the world running out of oxygen, Nintendo was the only video game company to make a statement about it, and the internet collectively spent its final hours on Earth debating whether Nintendo was being genuine or not

opening vim on all my friends' and coworkers' computers so they have to learn it to figure out how to close it

This is fucking awful, and awful that Bluesky are getting away with this

What a cool feature to have on a government website

The mood I would like from anyone running for office is "angel with a flaming sword."

important to remember this 👇

Ghislaine Maxwell lawyer says she can clear Trump's name in exchange for clemency

That's not how this works.

You don't reduce your sentence by PROTECTING the child abusers

screenshot of discord's Confirm cancellation screen, reporting that "Something went wrong while processing your request" for some reason.

if you're in line at the nitro canceller, STAY IN LINE

if i know discord for anything is that they can and will pussy out if people bully them enough for something. get fucking loud about this

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Femboy vs Nazis
https://store.steampowered.com/app/4378140/


Stop the Nazi invasion of Washington! Fight solo or with up to 8 friends in this fast-paced satirical shooter. Use style and heavy firepower to save the capital and rewrite history.

Elmo @elmo · 1h That Bunny was AMAZING. Elmo thinks he should be called Good Bunny! Elmo loves you, Mr. Good Bunny! ❤️🎶🐰 Based Yankee @thebasedyankee You and Bad Bunny should be deported

It's not even midnight and we're already at "Deport Elmo."

hahahahahahahahahaha

Diggs spinning the football down 22 with 2:32 to go

Today might be the day homies. Either way I will finally be shutting the fuck up about football for several months thank you for tolerating my barnyard sounds all season

Am an Eagles fan. This is 100% accurate. Kevin Patullo only called plays in the first half.

This is every eagles fan I’m friends with

The current regime took a week to abolish USAID, which is three times as old and was not in the news every day for brutalizing children

HOME ESPN FOX NBC MORE E Pat McAfee blown away to learn San Francisco is not what conservative media makes it out to be "This place has been gorgeous. It has been incredible." F 2.6.26 #PMSLIV PAT MCAFEE SHOW ** UNE FROM SAN FRANCISCO ** SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS TIGHT END GEORGE KITTLE Credit: The Pat McAfee Show By Sean Keeley on 02/06/2026

tfw you leave Plato’s cave

awfulannouncing.com/nfl/pat-mcaf...

Interesting signage spotted in LA this weekend

The old bit about how all rappers want to play ball and all players want to rap but now all posters think they should be politicians and all politicians just want to post.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE JON REPORTS IT IS “COLD AS BALLS” OUTSIDE Bluesky personality also describes weather as “colder than balls” NEW YORK – Jon Bois (@jonbois.bsky.social) released the following statement Saturday afternoon at approximately 1:30 p.m. local time: “It’s cold as balls outside today. It’s supposed to get even colder, too.” Minutes later, Bois issued a second statement: “It’s colder than balls out there. You really gotta bundle up, because it’s as cold as balls out there.” Media Contact: Jon Bois (operator, @jonbois.bsky.social Bluesky account) ###

Twin Cities tow truck driver returns abandoned vehicles to families after ICE arrests Juan Leon sends a "chase" car to check out where abandoned vehicles are located and arranges discreet drop-offs. Since late December, he estimated they have dropped off 250 cars.

ICE has grabbed so many people from their vehicles that there are abandoned cars across Minnesota.

This tow truck driver returns the cars for free as a public service, and he’s been getting death threats.

They hate the helpers.

Which is why must keep helping.

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I Opened an Idle Bar So I Can GOON to HOT GIRLS
https://store.steampowered.com/app/4366900/


Open your own idle bar and serve crazy drinks to attract the most attractive and horny girls in your area. Upgrade your business, unlock steamy interactions, and pray you get lucky tonight!

“our stories are good enough for TV but the writers aren’t?” 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

its so funny to me how the french government collapses every 45 minutes and then you check and the guy in charge is still macron