Jimbo

computer show me a compilation of my failures. birth until now

a guy with untreated schizophrenia killed a random woman on a train during an apparent psychotic episode and conservatives are like "there is no way better social welfare programs could have stopped this." completely demented ideology.

they’re putting something in the water that makes backs weaker and tummies more upset. I never had these problems, ten, twenty years ago

friend: my wife is pregnant! what’s new with you?
me: that’s so gay dude. i have too many snails in my fish tank so im buying a new carnivorous “assassin” snail to eat them and his name is gonna be Michael Penis Jr. and he can eat snails that are even larger than him

(on the phone with poison control) i’m a miscellaneous unc and im shooting poison help

LEFTIST: Dude, you need to grow up and get a hobby. Start treating women like people and find a useful role in society.
RIGHT WING INFLUENCER: You’re a pussy. You’re a beta cuck. You’re poor because of the soy in your blood. Suck my dick, simp.
YOUNG MAN: the liberals have left me no choice

guy who has encyclopedic knowledge of the Three Stooges universe

this honeydew milktea tastes like pepto bismol

h…hewwo?

sick-day zyn for wellness

been making coleslaw. vinegar slaw too none of that mayo bs

my hogbeast

when i look at my cat, my heart is filled with endless love

*whiny voice* "I don't want measles! I don't want another great depression!" What happened to being tough. What happened to suffering and dying needlessly

eating pepperoni

reading wikipedia and learning

shrit with eagles logo with "LGBT. LETS GO BIRDS TRANSSEXUAL"

MY SHIRT CAME!!!!

buying the bulk tofu at the asian grocery store is going to change my life. 59¢ each

Amazon Prime streamer screen showing description for Dog Day Afternoon “a man takes mistakes at a bank in Brooklyn. Unfortunately I do not have enough information to summarize further within the provided guidelines.”

Oh damn Prime actually published their failed chatgpt prompt in the description

your outtie has the solid snake AND the godzilla skins in fortnite. and the skibidi toilet backpack

President Xi, PLEASE save our nation from the terror of David Chang. I dream of an America where Lao Gan Ma is available at all grocery stores 🇨🇳

when i’m effed up, that’s the real me!

I vaccinate each and a every pizza using a Mozzerela. Oooooh

i should be able to flood stardew valley with cheap prescription opioids

A teacher friend of mine is worried about the future of education. Kids don’t read books anymore. They can’t write essays without ChatGPT. They gather behind the school to dig a big hole together. The deeper they tunnel the louder a sound from below grows, like a heartbeat

(Holding a baby, pointing at the Pikachu float during Macy’s thanksgiving parade) See that? That is God

posting hole at 10 followers, let’s get it!