Michael Heide @michaelheide

07.11.2025 03:56 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

From the Bangladeshi auntie...

06.11.2025 15:00 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Please be the "Gremlins in the White House" movie I've wanted for years. Now's the perfect time for it.

06.11.2025 14:59 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

🤞🏻🤞🏻

06.11.2025 05:47 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

a man in a suit and white shirt is standing in front of a curtain that says ' u.k. ' on it Alt: The Whitest Kids U Know skit where he jokes about it being illegal to say that somebody should kill the President.

05.11.2025 19:25 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Why is it on the outside to begin with? Is it supposed to help snipers find the right window?

05.11.2025 19:23 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

It's the only one that has Link.

05.11.2025 16:38 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Looking forward to learning all about how the right should move left to win elections tomorrow. They should maybe dye their hair pink, learn to love pronouns.

05.11.2025 01:48 — 👍 16747 🔁 3535 💬 146 📌 90

More like LOL, am I right?

05.11.2025 02:36 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

There's nothing that the Democratic party fears more than progress.

04.11.2025 15:51 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

04.11.2025 13:47 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Pious Augustus endorses Andrew Cuomo.

04.11.2025 06:45 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Tough.

03.11.2025 18:46 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

A movie you've seen more than seven times with a gif.

03.11.2025 16:33 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I think what I like best about Bill Maher is nothing.

03.11.2025 15:10 — 👍 752 🔁 47 💬 41 📌 7

It's short for InFormally. Because he doesn't wear a tie for the recording.

03.11.2025 12:20 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Pulpy Phantom of the Opera kidnapping Rachel Weisz? I'd watch it.

02.11.2025 19:21 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I'm downloading #1 on DC Universe Infinite right now.

02.11.2025 18:44 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Friend: "What did you expect, I'm a Slytherin."
Other friend: "I always took you for a Ravenclaw. Michael, which house are you?"
Me: "I'm House Trans Rights! ✊"

02.11.2025 08:41 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Ah, yes, the old "Fearless Vampire Killers" maneuver.

01.11.2025 22:56 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

2000: You need to have a website.
2008: Actually you need to be on our website.
2017: Our website has caused a genocide.
2024: And we think that’s good.

21.12.2024 04:37 — 👍 1397 🔁 320 💬 4 📌 4

Last chance to turn it off.

On Monday, November 3rd, Microsoft will start using your LinkedIn data for AI training. And remember, you're opted in by default.

To toggle it off 👉 Account - Settings & Privacy > Data privacy > Data for Generative AI Improvement.

31.10.2025 13:37 — 👍 3858 🔁 3613 💬 83 📌 213

Spider! 😍

01.11.2025 18:49 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

That dog that the Russians shot into space, did it ever mate with another dog? Or in other words:
Laika virgin?

01.11.2025 14:54 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Happy Birthday time!

31.10.2025 05:30 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

If you see this, post a vampire that isn’t Dracula.

30.10.2025 07:16 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Never again is... Right now.

30.10.2025 07:04 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Screenshot of a webpage listing the show times for movie theaters in and around Cologne. Luc Besson's Dracula, Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein and Agnieszka Holland's Franz K.

All the classic Halloween monsters are back in theaters! Dracula, Frankenstein, Franz Kafka...

30.10.2025 07:03 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Change one letter, ruin a candy

S&M's

Well, I say ruin, but...

30.10.2025 05:39 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

The only good Nazi is a reformed former Nazi. I'll settle for second best though, which is a dead one.

29.10.2025 20:03 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Michael Heide

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