JD Vance

Nuh uh! Couch-fucking is based!

But I looked so pretty!

My mother forgot my birthday again. I know I should be a man and not let it affect me, but it still stings.

I named myself after my degree. How else am I supposed to ensure people know I went to Yale?

The woke left loves to make fun of me as if they don’t all have piss kinks

Actually, this isn’t the Illuminati’s fault. The Illuminati is an organization of free thinkers who seek to promote market innovation. We love cryptocurrency and don’t engage in anything shady or authoritarian.

You’re thinking of the John Birch Society. We have nothing to do with them.

It’s not really a pedophile protection party. It’s more of a pedophile protection get together. Don’t ask how old the strippers are.

The woke left wants you to believe this is normal. Real men don’t masturbate.

Sydney Sweeney deserves the Presidential Medal of Freedom for affirming the superiority of my blue eyes. My wife might not want to get into my jeans, but that’s ok. Sydney does.

#MakeMyMarriageGreatAgain

The left is also completely silent on the subject of me getting motherly love. I wanted AOC to be my new mommy, but she let me go Nazi…

I’m glad we’ve finally set aside the whole “feeding the pope rat poison” thing. Let’s continue to talk about what a good Catholic I am as I give you a tour of our latest Florida concentration camp.

When correctly viewed, everything is lewd 😏

Lehrer once remarked that “Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.” I endeavor to kill it once and for all.

Rest in peace to Tom Lehrer, who bravely defied the woke mob by advising young men to go their own way and stop loving their mothers!

tomlehrersongs.com/wp-content/u...

He’s a hebephile!!!

The Gamma Quadrant is gay.

How dare you attack MAGA Ambassador Kanye West?

The lesson here is that my couch thing was actually perfectly normal.

Could someone send me a good photoshop youtube tutorial? I’ve been trying to add my childhood bully’s name to the Epstein client list, but it still doesn’t look right.

If you think about it, identifying Christianity just with agreeing with the principles of Jesus Christ, that’s a definition that is both overinclusive and underinclusive at the same time. It would include millions of people who agree with the Ten Commandments, even the homos!

I’ll never forget when Hulk Hogan showed me his penis. I will be getting a silicone implant in his memory so I may have a monster cock like him.

May he rest in peace 📿

I might do this, actually.

My daughter watched Frozen on the plane and won’t stop singing Let It Go. This is my personal 9/11.

They had a meeting? Without me? Why?

I’m Daddy Trump’s specialest boy!!!

I recommend the White House trash.

I spoke with several members of the Royal Family, and they think it is absolutely ridiculous that people are still talking about this Epstein stuff!

Hey, if I got a meeting with the King, do you think I could, you know… 😏

Really? I thought ManGlimmer was for couches!

It’s GUYliner!

Is it legal in the UK to make your children spend the night in a doghouse whenever they misbehave? Asking for a friend.