Ben Jules

okay google what does a mayor do

it's called SNAP because it can be taken away like that 🫰

I have this poster hanging on my wall after putting "antifa propaganda" on a secret santa list as a bit

the disagreement isn't about whether it's bad to punch down, it's about which direction down is

when I was a kid I read a book from 1900ish and they were like "if we're lucky we'll be allowed to have one prune for dessert" and I didn't get it but now I'm like damn a prune would slap rn

due to inflation happy hours are now happy fifteen minuteses

she wide on my toe box til I zero drop

terry rozier sounds like someone couldn't remember the guy from nine inch naisl

Miss information? She sounds bad af I'd spread her

everyone wants me to care about the white house but honestly? it's weird that we give the #1 guy a fancy palace in the first place

it's crazy how everyone else is projecting except me

ok boomer

i showed the trump ai video to george washington and he said what's a video

steve miller band is like the doobie brothers if they had an arthur c Clarke phase

Man Still Trying To Find Right Work-Anxiety–Life-Anxiety Balance

Man Still Trying To Find Right Work-Anxiety–Life-Anxiety Balance https://theonion.com/man-still-trying-to-find-right-work-anxiety-life-anxiet-1819575766/

this is the premise of courage the cowardly dog

I never say "my company" when I'm just talking about the place I work for. I only use "my company" for what your mother had last night

Their first three albums are incredible. self-titled, sound of gold, and this is alexing

socialism is when you have that one friend that offers to pay for everything because they have the best credit card rewards, and then you gotta venmo them back later. and that friend is the government

me: slow and steady right?
boss: well how about fast and steady

my ex told me I was afraid of commitment but I commit all the time. crimes mostly

wait when they do an applause-o-meter to gauge sentiment are you meant to only cheer once for your favorite or are you supposed to cheer more or less like a ranked choice vote

really almost all animals are doing it doggystyle. So I propose face-to-face should be called humanstyle instead. Or bonobostyle if you prefer

This is my slice of pizza. There are many like it but this one is mine

"I can't put into words how I feel" skill issue

i hate when people say "I condemn this in the strongest terms." Ok then use the strongest terms you know. Get creative with it

nothing has been the same since [year you turned 22]

who up regulatin they militia

istg we're gonna have witchcraft control before gun control

is that you in the corner