@localgizmo.bsky.social
the horse’s ass of your dreams | jokey writer NEW HERE 📍LA/NY
Developing ‘overly masculine face’, so that my bitchy resting face can be shrouded by these beleaguered folds of toil and anguish
31.10.2025 16:27 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Bad costume idea: ‘deep tissue massage’, and you go around rubbing people with a box of kleenex while singing barry white
31.10.2025 15:28 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
31.10.2025 12:39 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
IT lawyers: “have you tried rebutting it?”
31.10.2025 00:52 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Edgelord uber driver farted and tried to blame it on his “rusty” vape
30.10.2025 21:17 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Nice shower. Be a shame if all those hairs came from your head
30.10.2025 13:52 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Pinch a stranger’s cheek and condescendingly say, “We are a national treasure, aren’t we?”
*bonus points if it’s JD Vance
It was a cold, blustery night. Brisk. A real frosty one. Quiversome. A sharp, crisp eve, laden with a rolling barrage of tempestuous heaves. Somewhat titillating. Bothersome. Burly in its embrace. Rugged. Virile. Oddly horny. A big, brutish bastar
29.10.2025 23:30 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Crazy how trump died last month and he’s been AI ever since
29.10.2025 15:57 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0you guys ever lay at night and wonder what if a plane crashed through the ceiling right into your nuts?
29.10.2025 04:44 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0If you catch me headbanging, please leave the authorities out of it, this doesn’t concern them
29.10.2025 04:10 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I regret to inform you that they all got Harambe’d
29.10.2025 03:19 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0People don’t tweet this enough
28.10.2025 22:30 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Is voting early a form of edging? @webmd.com
28.10.2025 22:30 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 030 years ago today…
28.10.2025 22:23 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0There was a band called Chainsmokers for no reason, remember that??
28.10.2025 22:23 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0kid who intentionally eats soap daily to build his tolerance so he can say whatever the FUCK he wants
28.10.2025 00:02 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0They should hire a handsome, likable reaper to kill the grim reaper
26.10.2025 21:40 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I often feel like I’m secretly Floridian. Going to confront my parents this weekend
25.10.2025 21:29 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Joining a very serious, passionate cinephile group: hey all, what’s a great movie where a bunch of shit happens?
24.10.2025 21:44 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Hear hear
24.10.2025 16:05 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0laughing in bed but my dog just thinks I’m crying again
24.10.2025 05:34 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Is this why he was on the roof that one time?
24.10.2025 03:58 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Break out the Tupperware and make them think you’ve ambushed them
24.10.2025 03:57 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I’m of the opinion that all of my enemies suck ass
24.10.2025 00:33 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Investing in loincloth futures for the coming apocalypse 💅💅
23.10.2025 16:11 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Excited to kick off the new craze this weekend - it's called "sloshing', where you basically headbang into people's soft drinks
22.10.2025 15:00 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I want to see a film about precisely 2 battles - is there anything like that playing right now?
20.10.2025 15:19 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Maybe a prince, we could use a good prince, I guess
19.10.2025 02:52 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Hilarious to see JD Vance is on here
17.10.2025 22:32 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
