Alastair Craig

Standing on a street corner, slowly munching on a pie in the hopes somebody will ask me how it is and I can say “satis-pie-ing”.

It’s been a long and uncertain few years but I’ve got a feeling today’s the day.

I once had a dream that “DANCE CLASS!” was a common expression of approval, a la “Awesome!”

Hear me out: what if we all give it a try today? Just slip it into conversation to hear how natural it sounds?

Maybe dreams can come true.

(Sound on) My five-year-old is helping me take inventory.

Needs more Terry Pratchett.

#Brisbane, though.

And also a critical reevaluation of Ocean’s Eight (2018).

It is my sincere hope that the Louvre thieves all turn out to be women, and that history will fondly look back on this as the start of Heist Girl Summer.

Heist's are back baby. They're good again. Awoouu (wolf Howl)

May the same be said of us, and all of us.

Heed this cautionary tale:

A few weeks ago I thought it might be time to reread The Hobbit & Lord of the Rings for the first time since childhood. I went looking for some nice illustrated hardbacks.

I am now a boring middle-aged dad with a new hobby. It could happen to you.

#tolkien #lotr #books

theyre saying its the most beautiful blood anyone has coughed up

Movie poster to KPop Demon Hunters

Charming premise and animation aside: this movie has my five-year-old daughter memorising K-pop rap lyrics. For this alone, the world is a better place.

Patient, sobbing: But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci!
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.

Why are people mad at me for advertising George Clooney as the title character for my small town theatre production of #WaitingForGodot? He did everything the role of Godot asked of him.

Proud to be among the last generation of Australian schoolchildren to mispronounce ‘matrix’ (to rhyme with ‘hat tricks’) before the 1999 movie blew our minds and corrected our lexicons.

Holding my daughter close.

Partly out of absolute and unconditional love.

Partly because if she steps more than one metre away I cease to be a wholesome dad wearing a sparkling Elsa hairband in solidarity and immediately become a contextless weirdo in a shopping centre.

Patrick Dempsey as Dr Derek Shepherd in Grey’s Anatomy.

Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean in Les Miserables

Who’s dreamier:
Greg from Greg’s Anatomy or Les from Les Misérables?

I can live without the flying cars and hoverboards we were promised by 2025. But it’s harder to shake the strange sadness of hitting adulthood and learning the jacuzzi suit is not a real product grown-ups can purchase.
#TheSimpsons

How petty am I?

When a friend said a joke tweet was bad in 2016, I registered the domain “besttweet [dot] online”, had it redirect to said tweet, and committed to a 5+ year bit.

I’m not sure he was ever aware I did it.

Thick black rope of bitumen that has poured out of the roof of a mine shaft, snaking in big loops on the ground. Three miners are next to the seep, showing that it is taller than a person and wider than a leg. It’s not really relevant, but one of the miners is holding onto a chicken egg that they have put on the bitumen flow, because, well, why not??

⚒️🧪 Thick black goop pouring from the earth is a horror often seen in TV shows or movies. Fortunately this is an amazing geological feature, and not a malevolent monster!

This 1956 pic is of a natural bitumen or asphalt seep pouring into a mine shaft in Lettomanoppello, Italy. 🧵

Pic: Cazzini (2018)

I know you’re all eager for tonight’s #DoctorWho finale, but can we please dedicate the next few hours instead to this unreasonably funny moment from the missing 1964 serial “Marco Polo” in which the Doctor gets Ian’s name wrong?

Guess I’m just lucky I watched the celebrated classics like “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” when I did.

Watching Spaceballs (1987) for the first time and wishing I were enjoying it more.

It’s strange that all the Mel Brooks movies I happened to watch as a child are objectively hilarious and timeless, while the ones I’m only getting around to now in my 40s are pretty dull and dated.

This topical 2017 tweet never took off the way I’d hoped. Maybe it can get a fair go here?

If could you please all pretend it’s eight years ago and you’ve just seen the trailer for Super Mario Odyssey, and then reacquaint yourself with the 1995 Simpsons story “Homer³”, this should be a real hoot:

Marilyn Manson "Funky Frankenstein" I snuck into Frankenstein's lab A place I'd heard was very fab But inside it seemed rather drab Until I saw a monster on a slab Lightning struck, the monster rose Wearing funky disco clothes It shook its hips and struck a pose Then said "It's party time, let's go!" [Chorus] Funky Frankenstein alright Frank is getting down tonight Move over Drac-u-la 'Cause Frankentein's a superstar

Weird how Marilyn Manson’s lyrics were controversial in the 90s but don’t seem shocking at all anymore:

YouTube video by matt00092 Rock Rap 'N Roll - voice samples

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYgT... good

Accidentally said “Shirley” instead of “Siri” and now my phone is stuck in Flying High mode.

[Joke adjusted for Australian, New Zealand, South African, Japanese and Filipino VHS markets.]

"Hey you, get that steel drum out of my - uh - secret Dantooine base."
#Andor

And don’t get me started on the blatant fourth wall breaking.

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