Andrew

Oh shit. I gotta check this out!

That’s the beauty of Stardew. There’s no wrong way to play it. Enjoy your new farm!

This world is dying

The word has lost all meaning

This bitch bit me tonight. I probably had it coming.

Twice as old as me, and 20x stronger than me.

Most people should move on from the 2016 election with the exception being James Comey. He needs to dwell on that shit through the afterlife.

Such a good feeling!

News › World News › Donald Trump Disappointed Christians say 'God is delaying the Rapture' until Epstein Files are released After the rapture failed to happen on Tuesday, many Christians are blaming it on the fact Donald Trump hasn't released a trove of documents relating to Jeffrey Epstein

Shhh let them cook

Example: On the walk home from school, my child urgently needed to go potty, but also stopped by every single puffball dandelion to blow each seed off into the wind.

The Potty Paradox: the more urgently a child needs to USE the bathroom, the less urgently they walk TO a bathroom.

You won’t know if you don’t try

rip sisyphus you would have loved escalators

And I thought a “Lady’s Companion” was a vibrator. TIL!

I hope when I die, Erica goes to my funeral in a white suit and blasts fireworks. You know, to show she’s in mourning.

Cowards

“I look to him somewhat as a father figure”

Do your students call you Big Papa?

That’s my way of saying I finally got around to watching season 3 of White Lotus.

Jason Isaacs knocked it out of the park. So did Carrie Coons. And yes, I googled to see if it was real.

I told my wife she missed Oscar Isaac’s dick on TV when she came back in the room. The way she said WHAT!?!? nearly blew the hair off my head.

I realized my error and said “Wait, I meant Jason Isaacs” she said “…oh” like a child who found out they were not going to get that puppy they were promised

This shit isn’t even getting a ton of coverage on local media.

Go go gadget NECK!

Robert Redford is playing ping pong with Paul Newman

Maybe Robert Redford is playing ping pong with Paul Newman in the great beyond

Good for them!

The WNBA playoffs start today! There’s still room on the Lynx bandwagon!

Yes but then again: Jim Crow was a minstrel character, California was named for a mythical island in a hit book, Lenin took the title of his breakthrough pamphlet from a polyamorous romance novel, and the American revolutionaries couldn’t stop quoting and stealing lines from a 1713 play about Cato

“He never supported political violence!”

The “disposable matter” she refers to must mean her opinions which belong in the trash

Kash Patel fired the 'legendary' special agent in charge of Utah's FBI division a month ago. Her colleagues say she was “absolutely the best” agent in the bureau but she was a woman of color so she had to go:

www.msnbc.com/opinion/anal...

News Alert: there’s a lost cat in my neighborhood. Keep your eyes out!

It’s almost like the ability to communicate with common folks is an important skill for politicians to have. It sure would be swell if the rest of the party would take notice!