Kerry Williams

Civilization really took a turn when stores realized they could get away with having us ring up and bag our groceries for free

Woke up at 3am from a sound sleep trying to remember the lyrics of the Andy Griffith theme

Are we still building that nuclear reactor on the moon?

When I die, I've now decided I'd like to have my body swathed in Spandex and shot down a sheet of ice on a sled into a waiting hearse. There's no way in hell I'd try that while I was alive, but it would make for one memorable funeral finale.

#olympics

Since we've successfully melded cross country skiing with rifle shooting, I think it's time to mash up other competitions, like snowboarding and skeet shooting or figure skating and ax throwing.

#olympics

Draft Kings just took my F-150

I can make it up with 3 safeties or if the game goes to OT on a 0-0 tie.

Damn- just lost 50K on the #Superbowl coin toss.

C'mon Pandora- what are you doing?

If Jennie Garth married Garth Brooks, she'd be...Jennie Brooks. But he's already married and so is she, so that couldn't happen. NVM, forget I mentioned it.

I think we should all raid our closets and inundate the White House with bowling trophies, state fair blue ribbons, and little league awards for the special little boy.

Saw this in a theater on a Wednesday afternoon when it first came out. Me and a guy in front of me were laughing so hard we weren't making any noise. So great.

My one resolution for the new year is to wait for the oven to preheat before shoving food into it.

#NYE

Let's get this game over so we can toast some human-sized #Pop-Tarts

Starting a new post-Christmas tradition where we ding ding ditch the neighbors, but leave holiday cookies and candy we don't want around the house anymore

Everytime I click on a People magazine link I have to check a box to prove I am a people. Seems fair.

@people.com

A Muppet Family Christmas and Peewee's Christmas Special are the only two perfect holiday programs.

Also, the White House theater was demolished to make way for the big, beautiful ballroom

Terry Gross's reupped interview with #RobReiner on Fresh Air is both wonderful and heartbreaking, particularly the excerpt that didn't air the first time around.

@nprfreshair.bsky.social

How will rain make things better?

Perfect. No notes.

I still have all three editions

So sad the Grinch has sold out to Walmart. I just don't know what to believe in anymore.

Love how every AI commercial is like "aren't you tired of thinking for yourself?"

Can't wait!

Has Paw Patrol added an ICE Agent yet?

Not buying it till I hear from Grubhub