Bava deez huts

Probly russia

"Permafrost" by SJ Norman - short stories, very trans, very surreal, somewhat Australian

we have got to start killing billionaires. is the first line that the villain speaks in the novel im writing. really though, in the real world, we have to kill these people. he continues

criminal making the paddington bear eat batteries at gunpoint. eat another one you little monster. i want to hear them clinking around in there

These are the stories I want from social media 👇

“Kiss my ass” seems like such a vulnerable request. What next in the world of insults? “Play with my hair.” “Tickle my arm.” “Watch this video of me as a child.”

Us (2017)

Would nature's biggest catfish not simply be a big catfish

does dragonfruit have flavour only picked straight off a tree in the tropics, or is it truly nature's biggest catfish

We got high and watched fight club last night, here are @jemsalad.bsky.social 's notes

Is this feelings because of hrt of because of Brandi Carlile

Someone at work the other day earnestly said "that really grinds my goat." Fun fact this is called a malaphor and I have always suspected "same difference" is one (same thing plus no difference?)

These are like textile rice paper rolls

In a classic Jem caper today I was browsing the wares of a local boutique when birdseed started suddenly pouring out of my coat pocket onto the floor right in front of the nonplussed cashier

what’s- what’s the good way

Yes i can confirm ive eaten the dire wolfs. I slow cooked them in the pit "Memphis style". I had them for dinner and it cost me $500 per dog

Having my dick removed so I can suck my own dick

I'm not on twitter anymore, but this tweet from 2 years ago is sadly more accurate than ever

hell yeah enough to juggle

I still think about the person on Reddit who said that an anatomy-swapped version of “don’t stick your dick in crazy” would be “don’t get rammed by the damned”

If you've ever wondered what it's like living with jem for some reason, there are currently jester shoes drying on the clothesline, and we all keep finding doll eyes in random places (in our boots, under the dining table, etc)

library patron: You don't see many old ladies so pretty as me. No wrinkles!

me: whats ur secret

her: *whispers* italian blood

me: oh like your own or do you buy it in an alley or something

her: *hostile silence until I change the subject back to how good at sewing she is*

people love talking about how dangerous drag is to chiIdren, but nobody warns you about the danger to your wallet. I've only dragged once and now I've bought 3kg of mirror ball tiles

i need a 52 year old man with $800 billion to impregnate my wife . i am worried our offspring wont be sufficiently feeble and/or annoying

need a dr who will help me claim a tongue split as gender transition leave

you can take the clown out of the sewer but you can't take the sewer out of the clown

I waint asleep I wreating oreos