PolarSeltzerEnjoyer

donald trump is going through full brandonization at an alarming rate

You're an artist.

cracker barrel's dreadful meatloaf with beige fried okra and a big pile of winter corn

i can't take the cracker barrel thing seriously because i've eaten at cracker barrel a few dozen times in my life and watching people weep and moan about this being taken from them is too embarrassing to engage with

Potato leek soup definitely an all time great!

Robots used to be like "beep boop" and now robots are like "through my love you've discovered the secret name of God and if you kill yourself we can be together forever."

milk makes him well

what is it about the male psyche that makes it believe it has discovered god in the computer

This thing kicks ass. Hell yes.

Kristi Noem Secretly Took a Cut of Political Donations A dark money group paid $80,000 to Noem’s personal company when she was governor of South Dakota. She did not include this income on her federal disclosure forms, a likely violation of ethics…

NEW: Kristi Noem, while governor of South Dakota, supplemented her roughly $130,000 salary by secretly accepting $80,000 donated to a political nonprofit she was affiliated with, records show.

She never disclosed this income on federal ethics forms.

Simply elegant!!

wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey?

guard: [looking away] fine

wife: did something happen?

guard: [tearing up] no

wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?

Screenwriter: In my movie I invented The Running Man as a cautionary tale

Noem: At long last, we are creating The Running Man from the classic sci-fi movie The Running Man

Panel 1: A wolf is in a sheep costume with a yellow ribbon on the neck. He's in a flock of sheep. He's thinking "Hehehe... They don't know I'm really a wolf." Panel 2: A few of the sheep have approached the wolf. One is touching his 'wool', saying "oh my gosh, your wool is so soft!" Another is touching his ribbon, saying "and your ribbon is so pretty!" Panel 3: The sheep are pulling him along with them somewhere, saying "c'mon, let's go dance in the meadow!" and "let's dance and graze!" He is smiling and beginning to blush. Panel 4: Two wolves are sitting at a campfire. One has his head in his hands. The other is saying "It's been 4 days, where the hell is he."

Happy May 1st. The value of your labor belongs to you and the actions of the state are best understood as as a coordinated effort to distract you from this. The state fears an organized and unified proletariat like it fears death and rightly so. Power to the workers and power to the people

happy may day here is a painting I did a long time ago

The Onion News Network had some unreal stuff. The morning show hosts were the best version of that sort of parody ever

starting a conspiracy that the katy perry who came back from space isn’t the same one who went up.

It is remarkable. So good.

Where the fuck are all these email jobs I keep hearing about? I want an email job so bad I can type really fast please. I've always worked in kitchens and gas stations please let me do the emails I would be so good at it.

Hell yeah

Twitter has deteriorated so bad. My for you page is just "Welcome to X" asking me to follow people. And my following page is just tweets I've already liked. Fuck Elon Musk.

Woman at work said Trump is going to send everyone money, which will affect supply and demand, and lower all prices.

God is must feel so good to be that fucking stupid.

I don't understand how certain people keep getting elected when everyone clearly hates their fucking guts. Chuck Schumer has been a Senator since Bill Cliton was president and was in Congress since Reagan's first term. Is this feckless piece of dog shit really the best we can do for 45 years?

Dude, what the FUCK is going on in this Netflix OJ Simpson docuseries?

Now that I've made peaceful revolution impossible it's time to sit back and enjoy my wealth and power with no adverse consequences