Jimmy Two Hands 🌞☀️😎

“I’m fighting fascism while posting from a cranberry bog full of mooses” that is way less serious than any comic book

who up waxing their gibbous

This guy is canadian, what the hell is he even talking about

you are posting about making a meaningful change to society on a mid tier social media app instead of challenging the president in single combat, what gives

Everybody gangster until the tortoise beetle whips its titties out and there’s this leaf lookin bug with like 10 titty looking blobs hanging out

I’d the tortoise beetle a type of stink bug?

Dean will shoot his own dick off within a few weeks, fear not

“Superman, Dean Cain
Cleaned out my pool for five bucks
Hard times for heroes”

Since Dean Cain is in the news again I am once again posting the archived link of my friend’s old website from college “Dean Cain’s Haiku Hideaway” that is still hilarious some 25 years later

sorry but you have insulted the honor of homerun starter and that means you are not allowed to screenshot anymore

The one I know of is the lady who was about to be set up as a costar in the mandalorian and possibly have her own star war spinoff show, mma fighter, Gina something, and just got dropped and never acknowledged again even in an offscreen death

I am not convinced he is a real person. Somehow he looks like he has more teeth than a human should have

These pathetic fancy-lads don’t even know how to cook or clean. Fuckin losers

a orange starfish shaped like Patrick from spongebob with what appears to be a well defined set of buttcheeks There’s some numbers and text in white giving the date and time and water conditions

Patrick got back

A blue state legislature should pass a castle doctrine bill for anyone in danger of assault by any masked individual, just to see what happens

I’m just going to continue my usual outdoor activity of tossing a washer with a length of fishing wire tied to it up in the air over and over again, not my fault if some bitchass robot runs into it

All right, a strongly worded letter from daddy’s special boy!

What if Canada, like, put some water on all those forest fires

Chafing dish with a card labeling it "Meet Lasagna."

Buongiorno.

Give them the fitness test they gave Trump. “You’re 6’5” and weigh 200 pounds, you’re the healthiest applicant ever!

is there a slur for a tire iron or a blender, or are these slurs only reserved for useless technology that sucks ass

Lasagna is the pasta version of a big mac

YouTube video by [the durvester's junkiest stuff] Genie Junkie (1994, International Rocketship)

ok here it is, I think was a liquid television jam
much more satisfying ending than what will come of the ai dipshits

I’m reminded of a cartoon from the 90s about a guy who couldn’t pick his nose without wishing for a genie to do it for him

ai could never make something this awesome

you freaks really do all have mad cow disease

I am sure there are plenty of shitty businesses remaining that are worthy of your scorn

Password also committed to muscle memory, ain’t nothing gonna get me to use Face ID

Wearing my crafty beaver shirt to Menards out of spite

I was able to add music on the instragrams