Rachel Thieman

Cartoon by @mattdaviescartoon.bsky.social.

a screenshot of Signal messages: - war secrets tonite 👀 - war secrets tonight queen?? - war secrets tonite 👀

who did this??

Can’t wait to be in a nursing home someday throwing out phrases like “that tapioca slapped” or “yes queen you are slaying with that new walker!”

cartoon with 4 panels showing a round, white character with a cheese plate. title: the 4 stages of eating cheese 1: eating cheese 2: still eating cheese 3: ate too much cheese 4: bit more cheese

IMPORTANT INFO: for the days between christmas and new year’s

Just had probably the worst panic attack of my life at 3am ✨

You really do be feeling like you’re gonna die that’s insane

MY GIRLFRIEND SAID SHE'D CHOOSE TEXAS ROUNDHOUSE ROLLS WITH CINNAMON BUTTER OVER ME HELP???

Switched birth control on Thursday and my stomach has not known peace since. Sleep? We don’t know her.

my body has achieved a perfect equilibrium of being too tired to do anything and too awake to sleep

"Let me take that off your plate" is a strong love language unless cheese is involved, in which case, and let me be clear, get away from my cheese with your awful hate language

....and another thing.

the best plans often do

Dang $12 per day? I wish.

Honestly such a flex

A comic of two foxes, one of whom is blue, the other is green. In this one, Blue and Green are in bed, cuddled tightly together. Green is alert and awake, while Blue seems drowsy and bleary. Green: How's your fever? Blue: Still up. Blue cuddles closer to Green. Green: Anything I can do to help? Blue: Stay. Green closes his eyes, cozying up to Blue. Green: You're warm. Blue: And you're wonderful. Green: So are you. Blue: No I'm not. Green opens his eyes to look at Blue, who's still sleepily cuddled up to him. Green: Why not? Blue: Because I'm too warm.

Health Insurance CEO Reveals Key To Company’s Success Is Not Paying For Customers’ Medical Care -The Onion

Health Insurance CEO Reveals Key To Company’s Success Is Not Paying For Customers’ Medical Care
theonion.com/health-insur...

Posting this now for no particular reason.

I was told that I could be the star of a romcom… 😳

Do we think that’s a compliment or someone telling me I’m just that awkward and quirky 🤣

I want an unreasonable amount of pasta

milking the egg for its nog

Nation’s Therapists Refuse To See You Anymore Because You Scare Them

Nation’s Therapists Refuse To See You Anymore Because You Scare Them
theonion.com/nation-s-the...

When you wake up before 7:30am on a Saturday

Will Ferrell is at his best when he is being loud and obnoxious imo

132 years ago this cartoon was drawn, and in 132 years the problem has only gotten worse.

when I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee

I finished Twisters last night and did, indeed, get many nightmares

An eye for an eye, and we all go blind.

The emotional support water bottle goes everywhere

Being a typical girl wondering why my tummy hurts when all I’ve had today is iced coffee and my adderall