justOSDDthings

Good night!

Later, the same psychologist told me about a client of his who had DID and would come to days later after a fugue state. He looked at me curiously. I felt strange. We moved on.

But that moment always stuck with me, like my mind knew this question meant something.

Yep.

#OSDD

Years ago, a psychologist asked if i had any history of trauma. "No," I said, because none came to mind.

But at the time I knew I had survived multiple rapes, domestic violence, realistic death threats snd more. But they just werent reachable that moment.

Yep.

#OSDD

I promise you are not missing much

So, here I am, trying to come to terms by learning from others with OSDD or similar conditions, and trying to help others where I can.

If any of this sounds familiar to you - or you just want to know more - please follow and drop a note!

#OSDD

This is an account run by someone recently diagnosed with OSDD, a dissociative disorder.

One of the symptoms of the disorder is denial, which often leads a person to spin their wheels with "This finally makes sense of my life" to "this is completely made up just stop" and back again.

#OSDD

Relatable

Honestly, writing it out helped me, too. I made a bullet point list of all the ways dissociation showed up in my life. First time I did that. I was astounded at how long it was. But the shutting down thing - I wrote it for that exact same reason, only it was just me shutting myself down.

I included an explanation of osdd, how it appears in daily life, and what she might notice. I offered hints on how to help/what to say, but told her I didn't need her to become a therapist or babysitter - or to fix any problems for me. The last one was a big one for her.

I'm recently diagnosed osdd and I have had similar feelings about my wife - though I'm my case, I think it's my anxiety, not her judgment (there isn't any, thankfully). Biu one thing I did that she said helped her was write a document explaining how I experience the world.

Sorry what's RSO?

Telling my therapist that I feel I NEED to start working on internal communication RIGHT NOW like a driving compulsion and 5 minutes later telling her I think I'm faking it all.

Yep.

#osdd

I appreciate this so much. I've found that cannabis does make communication easier by a great deal - so much so that I worry about it becoming a crutch. And now I'm working toward doing that without it. But the fact that it helps at all can make me feel fake, and the denial is ferocious rn.

I hate that spooky feeling.

Trying to find a way to make your 1 female part feel at home in a body shared with 5 male parts, or vice versa.

I have a whole other wardrobe.

Yep.

#OSDD

Sure

Or for me at least, this feels like losing parts of myself in just now regaining.

Cherish those journals and come back to review them a few times a year. I used to write notes to myself in the margins, like having a conversation with myself across years.

Then they were lost in a flood.

Protect them!

So familiar.

Such mixed feelings about this. Dissociation can definitely hinder daily life, but I fear a flattening effect with this.

Thanks for this. It really helps to see that my experiences mirror those of others. Helps with the denial.

Ugh this part too. Just my wife and therapist know, and only my wife for about a month. I had playlists for each part but gave them obscure names so she wouldn't catch on. The amount of hiding, shame and denial is unreal.

My wife and I met online role playing in 2007. We had several pairs of characters, hers and mine, and it quickly became evident mine were not JUST characters but something more. Realized years later that pre-existing parts took these characters and wore them like costumes to communicate.

Yes! That feeling like a deep itch, that WANT to move but feeling stuck

Same, started in high school, 40 years ago

THIS. So much this. And I had to get to age 52 to even see it. If I talked about traumatic times in my past, it would quickly feel I was making it up, like telling someone about a movie I saw, and I'd feel compelled to shut up.

I hope you don't mind, but so much of this resonated with me, I wanted to reply to a few of your posts in this thread...

I'm just diagnosed, like 2 weeks ago. Not sure helpful I am, but I can try. What are your symptoms?

Hey I can't let a "we" slip out without immediately panicking, you're doing good.

Constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop