meek

Finally passed the driving test on my 4th try. Of the 42 people who took it only me and one other dude passed and it was his 5th go

The guy who made the metal gear solid games

The president should be able to make people honorary white boys. First on the list ought to be Will Smith, followed by Amelia Earhart

The 5k is gods distance. Every other distance to run has some glaring issue, but the 5k is perfect in every way

We need more denim bucket hat representation in media

Politicians the world over are amazed by how much water I can drink in one go. The UN is discussing whether legislation ought to be written about it

What has the world come to when a man can't leave his home without fear of being molested in such a way by the youth. Is this how we're raising our children?

A 4th grader approached me today, completely unprovoked, and put me into a full nelson. Some of his accomplices swarmed me from the shadows and proceeded to loudly slap my torso in every way imaginable, laughing and calling me names throughout. I fell to my knees weeping and the heathens escaped

I have devoted the best years of my life, hours upon hours of tireless work, to restoring the Canadian monarchy

Lentil soup for dinner. Sometimes you gotta put the pop away and play the hits

This has to feel so good if you're a pillow

The Amish were put on this earth by the Lord to safeguard the secrets of pollen immunity and whittling techniques

Kentucky doesn't have it so good

My bud in the us said he liked it but didn't think it was worth $13 and I did the bugs bunny eyes bulging out of my head thing thinking about paying that much for it

CS Lewis is a generational white boy to me

Just donated blood. I hope they give it to someone whose unbelievably evil

The president has ordered Koko the gorilla's grave to be sealed with concrete and guarded 24/7 for a continuous 50 years after her death

Not too often you get to see a storm brewin on the horizon. Gotta cherish those moments for what they're worth

What do you even call the place where they keep the pumps? Pavilions? Are they themselves the gas station?

We should be painting frescos on the ceilings of those gas station pump coverings

The US is implementing a new method of execution in which they strap you to a chair and ram you full speed with a 2007 ford freestyle

Get a load of this guy

every time i feel anxious and unsettled i just try to remember that beneath the earth lies an immense stone labyrinth that awaits us with the patience of a hunter

we should start hanging people again

they should bring bakc dying of consumption in your 40s

Bought a used book and a receipt from almost exactly 35 years ago fell out of it

Finally the time of year when i come bakc from work and my apartment is one gajillion degrees

Not enough whales in my day to day life. Gotta up the number of thoughts I have of whales by at least 5x

Being able to buy a mango in February is spiritually ugly

The man doesn't want you to know that fruits are best enjoyed seasonally