Brent Lewis

FLINTSTONE VITAMINS CAUSE MEASLES!!!

You heard it here first!

Plaque with an image of an apple and pencil reads "Your The Best Teacher Ever."

no their not

Only the toughest, most masculine men require federal military intervention and the national guard of several states to ride the subway. Take that, snowflakes!

I can't imagine being so miserable I get mad at Superman.

Scummy way to ask for a job

Also local bars

I feel like we all owe John Mellencamp a big apology.

a baby is covered in green leaves and is standing in the woods . ALT: a baby is covered in green leaves and is standing in the woods .

He is Groot

Sign: TACO BELL / URGENT CARE

i’m at the taco bell
i’m at the urgent care
i’m at the combination taco bell and urgent care

"hey hon. I'm at the Taco Care. Need anything? Call me."

In every line of people, there's always that one dickhead who has to keep turning around and staring at everyone behind them 🙄🖕

Just ate a really scary sandwich, I think it was an Edgar Allen Poe boy

This like watching two drunk raccoons fight over a hot dog

A lot of losers today, but Marco Rubio gets two christmases now

Casablanca
Duck Soup
Philadelphia Story
It Happened One Night
Clerks

quoth the raven: "just found out we can mate with sexy crows and shit gonna get freaky forevermore"

I’ve found that you can tell a lot about a man by the shoes he travels in. For instance, if he wears boots with an upturned pointed toe and a bell at the end, he is likely a jester or an elf of one kind or another.

I think it’s finally time to confess that I have no idea what any of you are talking about

Slim Jim is short for Slimothy James

A pill case is like an Advent Calendar in that you open it every day until you meet Jesus

Are robots really not able to click those "I am not a robot" buttons? Then we got weakass robots

Grimace has seen some shit.

A seagull stands on the beach with pair of high top white sneakers. The angle is such that the bird appears to be wearing them.

Roland couldn't wait to go to school. The other kids were gonna be totes jelly of his sweet-ass new kicks.

Food critics are wild. Bro, why are you bullying spaghetti?

Just saw your text from last night. Do you still need a fire extinguisher

earworm = rhyme in the coconut

ME: you’re smothering me

SERIAL KILLER:

Studies have shown that fuck all this shit